Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters India

In love with my best friend – now what?

By Auntyji Tuesday, September 11, 2012 - 13:59
Q: I am in love with one of my very close friends. But he does not have the same feelings for me. What should I do Aunty? Shruti, Patna

Auntyji says...

Hello ji hello Shruti, thoda thand rakh puttar. You’re not the first one to fall in love with your best friend. So don’t consider yourself bizarre at all. Bade bade desho mein aise chotti chotti batein to hoti hi rehti hain.

Falling in love with your best friend is most of the times a rather harrowing experience. One is always torn between the two feelings. The fear of rejection and the subsequent loss of friendship seems too big a loss to risk. And most people end up suppressing their feelings and choose to live in denial forever. I know it is hard to see your friendship fall apart. But believe me it would have been hard either way. Not just that, I can bet my life you would have never dated anyone else. You would have been happy spending all your time with someone you loved so intently.

Brave But now that you know he does not feel the same way, you can move on. You have saved yourself from falling into a deep rut of uncertainty and instability. As I always say, some risks are totally worth taking. Most importantly if you want good things to happen in your life, you will have to take the lead and move forward. Freezing in fear has never helped anyone achieve anything. I am very proud of you my dear Shruti for being such a brave person. True stories You know I believe in destiny. And what I am going to tell you next is a true story. I know this boy who fell in love with his best friend but she did not feel the same way about him. However, they still remained friends and tried really hard to make it work. Both of them did not want to lose each other as friends at least. A few years later the girl realized how they were both made for each and she asked him to marry her. They are one of the most happily married couples I have ever known. I also know of this guy who was in love with his best friend. He never revealed his dard-e-dil to her and instead just broke off all ties. And sulked and sulked. Then he sulked some more. It took him 20 years to realize how it was his mistake which was responsible for his unhappiness. Stronger But betaji if your ‘friend’ doesn’t even want to remain friends, then it’s time to move on. Tell yourself that you deserve better. Because you do. It’s very simple: had he valued your friendship enough, he would not have given up so easily at least. But the fact that he does not even want to try is clearly indicative of his disinterest. Always remember what Nietzsche once famously declared: what does not kill you makes you stronger. Jaa apni zindagi ji le Shruti. Have you ever fallen in love with a good friend? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Facebook.

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