Love Matters India

Friend vs boyfriend. How do I get the balance right?

By Auntyji Friday, February 16, 2018 - 15:41
Hi Auntyji, I have just started dating and I really like this guy. But it leaves me with no time for my friends. How do I get the right balance? Pallavi,18, Managalore.

Auntyji says, ‘Aahaa! New found love! The real deal is to strike the right balance – between friends and lovers. Betaji, I can tell you not so easy.’

One in – all out!

Bhai, is maamle mein your Auntyji has a lot of experience – personally bhi! Koi lover, bf, aaya nahin bas, all friends forgotten – sidelined! BF in BFF out! Lover sabse No. 1 but baak purane dost – they have to simply wait! A very good example of being taken for granted, totally! And to some extent – its true too. Friends are expected to understand, are expected to ‘hang in there’ while you go and explore your other relationships – not so cool, chalo, hota hai!

Friends for granted

Friends are supposed to be around – no matter what. But beta, kab tak?! Dost log also have a right over you na beta? They can and must ask for your time and attention. They are the original stockholders betaji, they cannot be forgotten. This ledger has to be balanced all the time.

Alternately, why do we have this burning desire to continuously be with the person we are in love with! Well, that’s love – it makes you crazy! However, if you are becoming this person who is forever clinging on to the boyfriend – you may want to wonder why. Are you harbouring some self-doubt? Bhaag jaayega?   

Purani jeans

So now you feel you are not getting time with the ole pals – the ‘comfy jeans’, the ‘ole sneakers’ as I call them. How come? Is this to your choice or the new love interests’ ‘demands’? Pallavi bacchii, if you are doing it then make a change in your behaviour – today!

If the boyfriend is the ‘all too demanding’ – well, let’s do a check on his expectations too today. Definitely, things change when an object of affection enters the scene – granted. But we don’t throw out our beloved jeans and sneakers when we get a tight dress or a pair of 4-inch stilettos – do we? Neither do you don the tight dress or the stilettos each day – do you?

Don’t change for him

We must never be in a position where we ignore our friends so much that they become peripheral to our everyday life. They should not be called only when you need them financially or when you need a shoulder to cry on after having a fight with the lover or having misgivings of some sort. That’s totally unfair. Keep your time with your pals as sacrosanct. Fix dates with them and not just him.

Do what you used to even in small measure. Don’t miss the small things. If you had a routine, keep it intact. Try and combine your boyfriend/ lover in your friends’ get-togethers – but not every time. A boyfriend in tow each time may get too close for comfort!  

Friends are very important people Pallavi. Never let a love interest, a passing fancy, new people, even kids– come in the way. Keep your arm around your friends, always – in big and small ways.

Person in the picture is a model. 

Names changed. 

Did you lose touch with your friends to be with your partner? Share your experience with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

Did you find this useful?

Add new comment


  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>