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How can I convince her to have sex?

By Auntyji Tuesday, May 20, 2014 - 14:37
Q: Auntyji, my girlfriend is always saying no to sex. I bring it up, she gets upset and we have a fight. Please tell me how to convince my gf to start having sex. Raunaq (23), Ranchi

Auntyji says... Lo bataoBeta Raunaq, I don’t know what to say – my one eye is laughing and the other is a bit sad for you too.

Let me not waste any time and come to the point. Beta ji, we can never ‘convince’ anyone to have sex... that they have to decide on their own, whenever they are ready, simple!

You see this rather a classic situation and there are some pet lines or phrases one comes up with. Let’s go through some of them and see how boys try and convince girls and what that actually amounts to.

Blackmail?

Now let’s say you start the chat on sex with your gf. So what is the first line boys try? “Baby, if you love me, let’s have sex,” or “If you love me, you will never say no to me.”

Yeh koi baat hui? Does she have to give you a certificate of her love for you? And is this the only certificate beta? No na, so then you better cut it out, my dear.

Then comes the other classic: “What is your problem, everyone is doing it, why can’t you?” Lo Ji, everyone is cutting their hair in Gajni style, will you do it too? Nahin na? Then why the expectation that just because others are OK with it, everyone must be as OK with it too?

Beta log, these are plain and simple ways to bully your girlfriend, perhaps you could say even blackmail, in a nice way, but yes that is the word.

The rules of love
So you see what I am saying, there is no way to ‘convince’ anyone to have sex, unless you are using some abusive, underhand or unkind means... I am sure you don’t want to do that, or do you?

Everyone has their own time and pace to be ready for sex – it is very possible your gf is not as ready as you are and well, you have to respect that - you don’t like it? Well, too bad sir, these are the unwritten rules of lovemaking!

Yes, I agree that if she has sexual rights, so do you. You want it, she does not – now what to do?

The better way out is BOTH of you get ready and be ready, for all the fun and good times – hopefully – but also all the responsibility, the ups and downs that having sex also brings with it.

Small steps go a long way

And here is the real thing. You know, you guys give the lady some respect, some time. Don’t pressurise her, let her be, be her friend and her buddy. Sure, tell her you love and desire her, but don't let that be the only conversation you have with her. That will perhaps go a really long way whenever that sexual relationship does happen.

Most often than not you guys think of sex as going all the way – penetrative sex or nothing! Come on, use the time to try simple, small expressions of intimacy and stop as soon as you reach that boundary which your gf had set. Kissing, touching, holding hands... whatever the lady is comfortable with, try that route beta.

Have you heard this somewhere before?

Surely you all have understood what I am saying, pyaar mein sauda nahin! No barter in love – so no scope for cajoling, requesting, convincing – all blackmail beta!

Do you know what kinds of lines men use to try and 'convince' girls to have sex.. some you have heard already and some are here, let’s hope you have not used or planned to use any of them.

  • ”Have sex with me, otherwise I will tell everyone you actually did.”
  • “Have sex with me, otherwise we are through!”
  • “Have sex with me, otherwise I will have to look around for it elsewhere.”
  • “I need sex, you know am not feeling so well without it.”
  • “If I don’t have sex, it makes me very angry, then don’t blame me.”
  • “Sex will bring us much closer darling...”

... and these sort of arguments will take you farther from us and from being a caring, lovable boyfriend. A guy who she will look back and remember with a sweet, happy smile, when you are there and when you are not!

This article was first published  on 14 January 2014 as part of our campaign My health, my choices in a themed week on first-time sex.

Send Auntyji an e-mail if you’d like advice about love, sex, relationships or anything in between.

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Comments
Aunty ji meri gf mujhse hamesha kehti hai babu I love u so much but jab bhi mai uske paas jata hu even uska haath pakadta hu wo mujhse naraz ho jati hai. Hamare relationship ko 2 saal se jyada ho gya... :(
Hi mem meri gf ne mere 7nth sex kar liya but usne ye bola hai bus ek bar ab kabi nhi ..but muje jab mera man hi tab karna ....plz koi ideas dijiye ki vo age bhi bhi sex karne ke liye razi ho ..
Suniye sex ROZ ho ya kabhi kabhi… dono ki sehmati aur rajamandi se hi ho toh behtar hai. Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex
Haath pakadtay hain ya sex karnay ki koshis? Aur haath pakadene se unhe kya allergy hai bhai? Suno Ladkiyan sirf sex ki poorti karna ka zariya nahn hain sir… aur suno unhay mannay ke liey Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey.
Shayad aap pregnancy ki nazar se keh rahe hain.. hain na? Woh unke period cycle pe depend karta hai..aam taur pe yadi period cycle nirdharit ho, har mahine us hee samy pe aa raha ho, toh hee yeh tareeka kaam karta hai- aap please ek Ovulation calculator pe apni dates check kar leejye aur in dates mein sex se parhez keejiye!
Okay bête ! par ab toh jawab mil gaya na aap apko aur yaad rakho bête ki aap Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex
Hmmmm bete why there is lack of confidence, bete girls are human like you and me so why, being shy is natural thing, just be confidant with everything you know what girls like confidant persons. you should practice of taking with your friends or front of the mirror it can improve you.best of luck.
YES....AUNTY JI IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, TRY TO START CONVERSATION WITH THEM IN USUAL WAY, U'LL FEEL COMFORTABLE LATER ON, I USED TO BE SHY AND VERY LESS TALKING GUY AMONG GIRLS, THANKS TO MY BELOVED, AS I CAME CLOSER TO HER, SPOKE TO HER MY CONFIDENCE STARTED BOOSTING, AND IT'S STARTED WITH USUAL HI HELLO, YOUR ATTITUDE WILL NOT GONNA CHANGE OVERNIGHT, BUT IT WILL SURELY WORK, M SURE.
aunty ji, bina protection ka sex kab kia ja sakta hey? kya ham period ka time sex kar saka hee. agar ham karange to kya ladki ko darad hoga??
Aunty ji i want to increse my pennis Aur maine bahot se prostitute ke sath sex kiya h...mai apne gf se sath sex karna chahta hu..par woh manti nai
Aunty ji i want to increse my pennis Aur maine bahot se prostitute ke sath sex kiya h...mai apne gf se sath sex karna chahta hu..par woh manti nai
Aunty ji.. meri chachi jab uske husband gharpe naa ho toh woh mujhe phone karke bula ti hey jab raat ko ham sote hey to maine observe kiya hey ki wo mere ling pe baar baar haat lagati hey main nind may hota hu to mera haat pakad ke uske boobs dabati hey mujhe ye nahi samjta ki woh chati kya hey ??? App bata sakti ho??
Aap yeh sawaal hum se kyun pooch rahe hain? Kya aap khud iska jawaab nahin jaantey? may apko bata dun ki aap abhi samjh jao ki ye bilkul sahi nahi hai kyunki issay na kewal apkay chacha se apka rishta kharab hoga aur samaj may bhi apka naam kharab hoga isliey apni chahchi ko saaf bol day ki apko ye sab pasand nahi. Yadi aap chahtey toh yeh pehel din hee roke deytey- ab bahi waqt hai. Apna chintan swasth karo
Aunty ji mai apni wife aur kisi ek aurat kay sath threesome karna chahata hu. kaisay teesra partner khoju, koi dar toh nahi hai threesome karnay may.
Auntyji... I have crush on a pretty girl.... we talk each othrrs as friends.... but all time I send message her or call her... but she just reply of 3,4 messages after that she goes or igmore me.. tell me what I do that she starts talk with me.. she realises that I love her... everyday she calls me...
I loved one girl 2 years back. Fir hmara breakup ho gaya kyu ki mujhe malum pada ki woh kish aur k sath pyaar karti hai. Aur aaj 2 saal baad ek girl mujhe pasand hai aur woh mere classes main aati hai. Should i trust on love again?
Hmmm! Kya aap is bare mein abhi tak Kisi doctor se millein hai? Ek vishagya ya achche panjikrit doctor se consult kijiye. Aur Jaldi pregnancy ke tips yaha pahdiye: http://lovematters.in/hi/resource/tips
auntyji mere dost ke girlfriend hai in dono ka break up hogaya ab mai uss girlfriend se mela baat kiya aur prpose kiya but usne ne muje love karne se mana kardiya .. ab me kya karo muje uske saat sex ksrns hai plss hlp
Kyaa ? Abhi dost ka break up hua nahin aur tum uski gf patane chale ho? woh ladki kya sex karney ka koi saamaan hai aapkey liey, jo aap itnney dukhadd time mein yee sab ummed kar rahein hai ussey. Aabhi bhi apni harkato se baaz aao aur chup beth jaaiey.Samjheiy!! Kyunki who ek ladke ke saath rishtey mein thee so kys abb kisi ke saath bhi ho leygee??
vicky 420
Fri, 10/03/2014 - 22:03
Aunti main childhood mein orgasm k liyae ling ko water nal k neechey kr leta thaa...ajj mujhey lgta hei k mere ling ka size chota hei...kya iski wajeh oh water nal wali baaat ho skti hei??
Yeh kyaa baat hai bête – size ka paani se kya sambandh? Khud ko satisfy karney kay kai tarikey hotey hai jismey se yeh bhi ho sakta hai!! chalo koi baat nahi, aur suno ling ka size in wajho se kabhi chota ya bada nahi hota yeh sab mithya hai ling ke size ki sahi jaankari yaha se lijiey aap : http://lovematters.in/en/resource/penis-shapes-and-sizes
aunty g me bachpan se hasthmaithun kar rha hu mera ling teda ho gya h koi upaye btaye ling seedha, karne ka
Auntyji, Mai ek ladki se bohot pyar Karta hoon. Hum log ek saal se relationship me hai. Lekin wo mujhse shaadi karna nahi chahti. Abhi usne ek ladka dekha hai jisse wo shaadi krna chahti hai. Wo uske saath relation me bhi gayi thi mujhe bina bataye. Maine uska relation usse tudwa Diya. Kya Maine sahi kiya aunty pls help me
Auntyji mai 18 sal ka hun or meri gf 16 sal ki magar mai jab usse sex ke liye bolta hun to wo mana kar deti he. kya mujhe apnni gf ke sath sex karne ka koi adhikar nahi hai.. or mai usse convince karu to Keyse . kya ap mari kuch madad kar sakti hen Aunty ji
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