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How can I convince her to have sex?

By Auntyji Tuesday, May 20, 2014 - 14:37
Q: Auntyji, my girlfriend is always saying no to sex. I bring it up, she gets upset and we have a fight. Please tell me how to convince my gf to start having sex. Raunaq (23), Ranchi

Auntyji says... Lo bataoBeta Raunaq, I don’t know what to say – my one eye is laughing and the other is a bit sad for you too.

Let me not waste any time and come to the point. Beta ji, we can never ‘convince’ anyone to have sex... that they have to decide on their own, whenever they are ready, simple!

You see this rather a classic situation and there are some pet lines or phrases one comes up with. Let’s go through some of them and see how boys try and convince girls and what that actually amounts to.

Blackmail?

Now let’s say you start the chat on sex with your gf. So what is the first line boys try? “Baby, if you love me, let’s have sex,” or “If you love me, you will never say no to me.”

Yeh koi baat hui? Does she have to give you a certificate of her love for you? And is this the only certificate beta? No na, so then you better cut it out, my dear.

Then comes the other classic: “What is your problem, everyone is doing it, why can’t you?” Lo Ji, everyone is cutting their hair in Gajni style, will you do it too? Nahin na? Then why the expectation that just because others are OK with it, everyone must be as OK with it too?

Beta log, these are plain and simple ways to bully your girlfriend, perhaps you could say even blackmail, in a nice way, but yes that is the word.

The rules of love
So you see what I am saying, there is no way to ‘convince’ anyone to have sex, unless you are using some abusive, underhand or unkind means... I am sure you don’t want to do that, or do you?

Everyone has their own time and pace to be ready for sex – it is very possible your gf is not as ready as you are and well, you have to respect that - you don’t like it? Well, too bad sir, these are the unwritten rules of lovemaking!

Yes, I agree that if she has sexual rights, so do you. You want it, she does not – now what to do?

The better way out is BOTH of you get ready and be ready, for all the fun and good times – hopefully – but also all the responsibility, the ups and downs that having sex also brings with it.

Small steps go a long way

And here is the real thing. You know, you guys give the lady some respect, some time. Don’t pressurise her, let her be, be her friend and her buddy. Sure, tell her you love and desire her, but don't let that be the only conversation you have with her. That will perhaps go a really long way whenever that sexual relationship does happen.

Most often than not you guys think of sex as going all the way – penetrative sex or nothing! Come on, use the time to try simple, small expressions of intimacy and stop as soon as you reach that boundary which your gf had set. Kissing, touching, holding hands... whatever the lady is comfortable with, try that route beta.

Have you heard this somewhere before?

Surely you all have understood what I am saying, pyaar mein sauda nahin! No barter in love – so no scope for cajoling, requesting, convincing – all blackmail beta!

Do you know what kinds of lines men use to try and 'convince' girls to have sex.. some you have heard already and some are here, let’s hope you have not used or planned to use any of them.

  • ”Have sex with me, otherwise I will tell everyone you actually did.”
  • “Have sex with me, otherwise we are through!”
  • “Have sex with me, otherwise I will have to look around for it elsewhere.”
  • “I need sex, you know am not feeling so well without it.”
  • “If I don’t have sex, it makes me very angry, then don’t blame me.”
  • “Sex will bring us much closer darling...”

... and these sort of arguments will take you farther from us and from being a caring, lovable boyfriend. A guy who she will look back and remember with a sweet, happy smile, when you are there and when you are not!

This article was first published  on 14 January 2014 as part of our campaign My health, my choices in a themed week on first-time sex.

Send Auntyji an e-mail if you’d like advice about love, sex, relationships or anything in between.

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Comments
Hmmmm! Iske liye sabse acha yeh hoga kee aap kewal sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Main 27 saal ka hu....Aunty ji mein aapni pados vali aunty ke saath sex krna chahata hu. Jo 38 saal ki hain. Woh sex mein bahot intrested hain. Woh hamesha ladko ke tarf dekhti raheti hain jab mere dost mere ghar pr aate hain to uski najar mujh pe or mere dosto pr hoti hain. Mujhe bhi uske saath sex krne ki eecha hoti hain pr main usaka padosi hone ke karan usase ye bolane se darta hu plz kuch idea bataye....
Hmmm! Kya unki sehmati hai ismein? Yadi nahi toh Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex
Aantiji, Mere sath ek jabardast hadsa hua.... Meri ek ladki se 3 sal tak relationship thi but long distance relationahip thi hum tin sal se kabhi jada mile nahi...na kabhi physical touch na kuch, wo ladki mujhe bahot pasand thi hum phone pe hi baate karte..mene uspe bhot jyada vishwas kiya. lekin usne pichhle 6 mahine dusra bf bana liya or uske sath sex bhi kiya 3 barr....6 mahine baad us ladke ko mere aur uske relationship k bare me pta chala aur us ladke n us ladki ko chhod diya....hamesha k liye....us ladki ne mujhe uske sath jo kuchh bhi hua wo sab bta diya...mere dil me abhi bhi uske liye utni hi jagah h jitni pehle thi..na me usko bhula pa raha hu na wo mere ehsano ko....agar hum age relationship banate h to kya problem hoga plz suggest...kyu ki usne 3 barr sex kiya h iska mujhe bahot dard hota h...fir bhi mujhe najane wo bhot apnisi lagti h....mujhe uska dard dekha nahi jata plz suggest briefly....
Hmm. Beta yeh batao, ki kya apko is baat ka dhakka hai ki usne sex keeya ya is baat ka ki aapke saath rishety mein hote hue usne asia keeya? Dekho beta rishta banana aasan hota hai nibhana kathin… aur isme 100% vishwaas chahiye. Yadi aapko lagta hai ki aap yeh dono baatien bhool kar ek baar aur try karna chahtey hain, toh bas phir is hee mann se aage aaiye… nahin to, kuch dino ke liye ek interval le leejiye aur theek se soch leejiye. Theek hai na? Uske baad job hi pahisal aap lenege who baali baahnti soch ahua hoga. Koi aalochana jhagde ki zaroorat nahin, who sab to ho hee gaya hoga. AB ek sawaal, unka kya role hai isme, kya who bhi aapse waapis aana chatee hain, kay who aapko bula rahee hain… unka behavior bhi to aapke nirnay par asar karega na. All the best beta, pakka socho aur job hi nirnay ho who tumhara hai, sahi hai. Theek hai?
ranjitlal
Sat, 11/21/2015 - 05:25
Hlw..meri ek probelm h ki maine kisi ladki ko dekha to use karne ka man krta h..aur jaldi hi mera lund khada ho ja h...mai ky kru
Yeh toh bahut hee common baat hai. Sex ki bhavna yadi adhik ho to yeh hona bahut hee common hai. Haan yeh toh zaroor hai ki yadi app HAR mahila ya ladki se koi bhi baat karety waqt uttejit ho jaaatey hain so shayad aapka nazariya mahiloun ke prti bahut ek arfaa hai… isme toh sudhaar laana hee chahiye. Har mahila sex ki vastu bilkul nahi!Apne aas paas ki mahilaon ko respect dijiye jese aap apne ghar ki mahilaon ko dete hain.
Aunty ji meri gf khti h use sex m abh koi interst nh h uski smutch bh zabrdasti li mn park m ek m kiase pta kroo k vo sach m itni sidhi h ya drama krti h pls aunty ji kch btao
Apka kya matlab hai SIDHI Aur Drama se bete? Dekhiye apko bus yeh samjhna hai ki woh abhi apke saath sex mein sehaj nahi hain. Jiss baat ko apko samjhna chahiye aur please philhal aap Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex
Hmmm! Toh Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex b
aunty mai ek ladki se pyar karta hu vo bhi mujhse pyar karti hai but ladki ki mami ke sath mera saririk sambhand kai bar ho chuka .unki age45-46 ke aas pass hoge. kya karu ladki ke sath sadi kro ya nahi.
Aunti ji meri ik gf hai, mai usse bahot pyar krta hu Aur vo bhi krti hai, mai ye jaanna chahata hu k kya ladkiya bhi ladko ki tarah hastmethon krti hai. Agar krti hai to kaise krti hai. Aur jaisa hum ejaculate hone k baad ruk jaate hai kya ladkiyon ka bhi aisa kuch hota hai?
aunty ji. meri ek gf h. hum dono ek dusre ko bahot lyar krte h. par kuch dino se ladai k karn wo mujse kati kati si rehti thi. fir usne apne kisi best frnd k saath drink kr li. or unka sex ho gya 1st tym. ab wo muje chahiti h k me usse dur na jau. or mene use kabi touch bhi ni kia aaj tak. to me kya kru. breakup krdu ya frr na kru. par muje guilty feel hota h usne mujhe dhoka dia. Promise toda ye sab. pls help me
Hmmm! So bete pyar mein ya kisi bhee rishte mein jab aap khud ko cheat mehsus karte hain toh dukhi hona toh samanya hai, lekin bete kya yeh baat swayam unhone aapko batai, toh iska matlab hai ki woh khud isse apni galti maan rahi hain aur aapse ek dusra moka chhati hain. Saath hee yeh faisla bhee apko hee lena hay ki kya aap wapsi unhe pure pyar, vishwash de payenge. Is bare mein swayam vichar kijiye. https://lovematters.in/en/resource/love-and-relationships Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Congratulations, beta! Bête Pehli baar sex kartaye samaye kya karna hai kya nahi karna hai, aur first sex ko kese theek tarah se kiya jaye is bare mein aap yaha detail mein padh lijieye : https://lovematters.in/hi/news/first-time-sex-top-five-facts Saath hi sex activity mein alag-alag tariko ka istemal kartay huay isse kese aur mazzedaar banana hai is baaray mein yaha padhein: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/ways-make-love https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/making-love Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Aunty ji mai sex krna chahta hu apni gf k sath wo v raji h but hme avi v darr lgta h ki khi kuch na ho jaye to hme sujhao de ki hm ek ache sex ki suruat kaise kre ???
Deepak bete, pehli baar sex kartaye samaye kya karna hai kya nahi karna hai, aur first sex ko kese theek tarah se kiya jaye is bare mein aap yaha detail mein padh lijieye : https://lovematters.in/hi/news/first-time-sex-top-five-facts Saath hi sex activity mein alag-alag tariko ka istemal kartay huay isse kese aur mazzedaar banana hai is baaray mein yaha padhein: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/ways-make-love https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/making-love Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Aap khud ye nirnay le ki aapka ling chota hai ya bada yeh itna uchit nahi hoga. Aur sorry bête isay bada ya lamba karne ka koi tarika nahi hai Ling ki sahi jaankari ke liye yaha padh ljiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/penis-shapes-and-sizes https://lovematters.in/hi/news/penis-top-five-facts https://lovematters.in/hi/news/worried-your-penis-too-small https://lovematters.in/hi/news/what-women-penis Aur please size par mat jao apna andaaz acha karo unke saath time bithao. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Auntiji mai apni gf ko 3 saalo me boht baar sex kar chuka hu, nd wo v kafi excited rhti thi qki we both love each other but kch mahino se wo mujhe neglect kar rahi h nd wo es topic me baat nai karna chahti. Mujhe kch samjh nai aa rha hai. Help me
Iss baat ko toh aap dono hi sudhaar sakte hain.. baat cheet kar ke, charcha kar ke. Lekin bete Jab ek rishta ek makaam tak ruk jaata hai, toh use phir shuru karna ya us per hee tike rehana shayad itni samjhdaari nahin. Aage badho,naye kadam uthao, naye aur purane dost dhoondho, films,music, koi hobbies. Jaise ki unhone keeya hai. Apni zindigi jeene mein utar aao. All the best. https://lovematters.in/en/news/shes-avoiding-me-now-what Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Hi, mein ek ladki se pyar karta hoon.wo bhi mujhse bht pyar karti hein.hamare relation ko 5 saal ho gaya hein.lekin aab wo mujhe ignore karti hein,uske ghar se koi prblm na ho isliye phn pe baat nahi karte the.baas chat karte the,lekin aab wo mujhe igmore karti hein or mera no block kar dya hein.mein uske bina pagaal sa hp gaya hoon.plz help me,mujge mera khoya hua pyar kaise milega...
Sujit beta, iss baat ko toh aap dono hi sudhaar sakte hain.. baat cheet kar ke, charcha kar ke. Lekin bete Jab ek rishta ek makaam tak ruk jaata hai, toh use phir shuru karna ya us per hee tike rehana shayad itni samjhdaari nahin. Aage badho,naye kadam uthao, naye aur purane dost dhoondho, films,music, koi hobbies. Jaise ki unhone keeya hai. Apni zindigi jeene mein utar aao. All the best. https://lovematters.in/en/news/shes-avoiding-me-now-what Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
sallam aunti ji me apni gf aur hone wali patni ko apne dost k sath share. krna chahta hu jo k gay ha par wo nhn maan rahi plz koi tareeqa bataen
Salaam, Fesal beta. Suniye, aapki gf aapki property nahi hai. Swapping ke kiye unki marzi hona anivarya hai. Agar unki saath kisi tarah ki zor-jabardasti ki jaati hai toh yeh shoshan hi kehlaayega.Samjhe? Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Mem me Jbhi bhi sex krta hu ya hastmetun krta hu to mera viry bhut gada or usme kuch chawal ke dane type kuch niklta hai...usse koi problam to nhi hai na......nd viry bhi bhut gada nikalta hai.....plz.....kuch advce dijiye........
Dev bete, virya ka gadha-mota hone se koi sambandh nahi hai zara yeh padho: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/ejaculation https://lovematters.in/en/news/semen-top-five-facts https://lovematters.in/en/news/watery-semen-dont-blame-masturbation Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
There is no way to seduce your maid, you mad boy!! Are you crazy? Has she given you any reason to believe she want to have sex with you? Do you know what having sex with the help means- it’s very difficult and extremely complicated. Here read this and beware that she does not get wind of your “desires and fantasies” https://lovematters.in/en/news/should-i-try-sex-older-woman If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Aunty ji, I want to have sex with my house owner but i am scared about if she tells my parents.But whenever i see her my dick enlarges to extent please tell me a way to have sex with her please please !!!!
Are you crazy? Has she given you any reason to believe she want to have sex with you? Do you know what having sex with her means- it’s very difficult and extremely complicated. Here read this and beware that she does not get wind of your “desires and fantasies” https://lovematters.in/en/news/should-i-try-sex-older-woman If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Koi bhi fetish as long as aapko ya kisi aur ko nuksaan nahin pahuchatee - to yeh aapki choice hai - nirnay hain. Fetish par link ko padh lijiye. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/fetishes-top-five-facts Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
I want to have sex with my widow aunt and she was ok before I used squeeze her boobs but know she is refusing to do so. Any help that might help me
There is no way to seduce you own Chachi or whatever she is. Do you know what having sex with a family member means- it is very difficult and extremely complicated. Here read this: https://lovematters.in/en/news/should-i-try-sex-older-woman https://lovematters.in/en/making-love/turned-on-by-older-women-is-that-normal If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Relax, Avi beta! Jab tak aap apni zindagi ke baaki kaamo ko sahi samah de paa rahe hain, isme koi problem nahi hain. Hastmaithun ek safe/surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. Isse koi nuksaan ya beemari nahin hoti. Yadi chahein toh bahut see activities hain, jinmein aap samya bitaa sakte hain jaise ki khel – games, gym ya koi hobbies…ok? Yeh bhi padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/men-masturbating https://lovematters.in/hi/news/i-could-masturbate-anytime-anywhere Ling ke size mein ek apna teda pann hona is quite common bete. Don't worry, isse koi samsaya nahin hoti hai. Yeh padhiye zara: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/penis-shapes-and-sizes Yadi aapke man mein koi bhee aur sawaal hain aur aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Maine ek aunty ko us ke boye friend k sath gomte dekha wo kehti hi mere husband ko na batana Maine shart Rakhi k sex karo mere sath to nai bataon ga wo nai man rahi ab kya karon
Apne se umar mein badi mahila ke saath sambadh ke bare mein bahut se log sochtey hain. Lekin apki is soch ke karan kahin aap kisi badi musibat mein na padd jaye isliye zara aap swayum chintan kar leejiye aur soch leejiye. Jara yeh writup bhi padh lijiye : https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/turned-on-by-older-women-is-that-normal https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/should-i-sleep-with-my-neighbourhood-bhaabhi Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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