'I am not a virgin. Can I expect my partner to be one?'
Shutterstock/Zurijeta/the person in the picture is a model, names changed

'I am not a virgin. Can I expect my partner to be one?'

“I am not a virgin. How can I expect my partner to be one? That’s unfair,” my friend said to me. That's progressive, given how obsessed Indians are with virginity. Let's find out more about him in this story.

Deflowering the bride

My friend in his late 20s is seeking a life partner, and he says virginity is definitely not one of his requirements. “I am not obsessed with ‘deflowering’ my bride. How does it matter if she’s a virgin or not? I don’t care if she has been with another man at another time. What matters to me is that she’s faithful to me when she’s with me,” he said.

My friend admitted that he’s gotten into arguments with his Indian male friends who thought virginity was a non-negotiable asset. “A lot of my male friends really value virginity. They think it shows purity or piousness or whatever. To me, that’s just chauvinist bull shit!” he said.

Virginity test

“How can you even prove if your wife, fiancée or girlfriend is a virgin? I have heard that it’s nearly impossible because a girl’s hymen could tear even while exercising or yoga or other physical activity,” he said.

That’s true, not even doctors can really tell if a woman is a virgin or not. “And it’s really unfair if the man doesn’t have to give a virginity test, but a woman is forced to, due to societal pressures,” he added.

Had he tried converting his virginity-believer friends into non-believers? “Oh yes! I have had heated arguments and debates and even verbal fights! But they think I don’t fancy respectable women. That I like sluts! It’s unbelievable,” my friend sighed.
What’s sex about?


“In the end, we just need to answer one question. What is sex about? It’s an expression of love, of being together, of sharing an intimate bond. I want sex to be fun. Virgin or non-virgin, these things don’t change,” he said.

Before we moved to the next subject in our conversation, my friend cheekily said: “And you know what? I’d rather have someone experienced in bed rather than a first-timer! It promises to be more exciting and less awkward for both of us!”

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.

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