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How can I convince her to have sex?

By Auntyji Tuesday, May 20, 2014 - 14:37
Q: Auntyji, my girlfriend is always saying no to sex. I bring it up, she gets upset and we have a fight. Please tell me how to convince my gf to start having sex. Raunaq (23), Ranchi

Auntyji says... Lo bataoBeta Raunaq, I don’t know what to say – my one eye is laughing and the other is a bit sad for you too.

Let me not waste any time and come to the point. Beta ji, we can never ‘convince’ anyone to have sex... that they have to decide on their own, whenever they are ready, simple!

You see this rather a classic situation and there are some pet lines or phrases one comes up with. Let’s go through some of them and see how boys try and convince girls and what that actually amounts to.

Blackmail?

Now let’s say you start the chat on sex with your gf. So what is the first line boys try? “Baby, if you love me, let’s have sex,” or “If you love me, you will never say no to me.”

Yeh koi baat hui? Does she have to give you a certificate of her love for you? And is this the only certificate beta? No na, so then you better cut it out, my dear.

Then comes the other classic: “What is your problem, everyone is doing it, why can’t you?” Lo Ji, everyone is cutting their hair in Gajni style, will you do it too? Nahin na? Then why the expectation that just because others are OK with it, everyone must be as OK with it too?

Beta log, these are plain and simple ways to bully your girlfriend, perhaps you could say even blackmail, in a nice way, but yes that is the word.

The rules of love
So you see what I am saying, there is no way to ‘convince’ anyone to have sex, unless you are using some abusive, underhand or unkind means... I am sure you don’t want to do that, or do you?

Everyone has their own time and pace to be ready for sex – it is very possible your gf is not as ready as you are and well, you have to respect that - you don’t like it? Well, too bad sir, these are the unwritten rules of lovemaking!

Yes, I agree that if she has sexual rights, so do you. You want it, she does not – now what to do?

The better way out is BOTH of you get ready and be ready, for all the fun and good times – hopefully – but also all the responsibility, the ups and downs that having sex also brings with it.

Small steps go a long way

And here is the real thing. You know, you guys give the lady some respect, some time. Don’t pressurise her, let her be, be her friend and her buddy. Sure, tell her you love and desire her, but don't let that be the only conversation you have with her. That will perhaps go a really long way whenever that sexual relationship does happen.

Most often than not you guys think of sex as going all the way – penetrative sex or nothing! Come on, use the time to try simple, small expressions of intimacy and stop as soon as you reach that boundary which your gf had set. Kissing, touching, holding hands... whatever the lady is comfortable with, try that route beta.

Have you heard this somewhere before?

Surely you all have understood what I am saying, pyaar mein sauda nahin! No barter in love – so no scope for cajoling, requesting, convincing – all blackmail beta!

Do you know what kinds of lines men use to try and 'convince' girls to have sex.. some you have heard already and some are here, let’s hope you have not used or planned to use any of them.

  • ”Have sex with me, otherwise I will tell everyone you actually did.”
  • “Have sex with me, otherwise we are through!”
  • “Have sex with me, otherwise I will have to look around for it elsewhere.”
  • “I need sex, you know am not feeling so well without it.”
  • “If I don’t have sex, it makes me very angry, then don’t blame me.”
  • “Sex will bring us much closer darling...”

... and these sort of arguments will take you farther from us and from being a caring, lovable boyfriend. A guy who she will look back and remember with a sweet, happy smile, when you are there and when you are not!

This article was first published  on 14 January 2014 as part of our campaign My health, my choices in a themed week on first-time sex.

Send Auntyji an e-mail if you’d like advice about love, sex, relationships or anything in between.

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Comments
anti meri gf mujhe uske sb privet jagha pe tuch karne deti h kbhi rokti ya kuch nhi bo to kya main sex karunga to vo roke gi to nhi ar vo pregnci se darti h kya karu main plz batao ye daar kse dur karu uska.
Is baaray mein hum kuch bhi nahi keh saktay par yeh yaad rakho ki jab tak aapka partner khud na kahey ki unhey sex se koi problem nahi hai aap wo nahi kar saktay . Aur sex mein koi zabradasti nahi yeh toh pata hai na aapko. Aur pregnancy ko lekar unka darna bilkul sahi hai, aap kese unka yeh darr door karengey? Who hai condom ka istemal jiska use ANIVVARYA hai.
Aunty ji mein18 years ki hoon aur mera bf dusre sheher me rehta hai. Wo muze milne k liye every weak aata hai.nd we had great time.. We talk each other about sex and all things but he wants to do oral sex with me and also want me to do it. . But I am not comfortable with it because I never did it before.. but I want to do it for my bf.. give me some tips..
Dekho bete isse karnay mein koi samsya nahi maslan saaf-safai ka poora dhyan rakha gaya ho aur ismay dono partners ki barab marzi shamil ho toh! aur behtar hoga yadi condom ka isteml kiya jaey aur yaha padh lijiey : http://lovematters.in/hi/news/oral-sex-dos-and-donts-0
himanshu..
Fri, 12/05/2014 - 21:55
Meri gf sex se related bete nahi krti... mai usese sex se related ete kaise kru.. jb sex se related bte krna chahta hu.. to o bat ko kat detti hai.. mai kya kru please koi aisa trika btao ki muzse sex ke related bhi bate kre...
Hmmm! So suno! Ki baat nahi bête aisa hona is quite common. Unhhay thoda samay do ki wo aapkay saath in baton ko karney mein comfort feel kar sakay jo ki unhay khud samay ke saath aeyga. Please koi zabrdastii nahi !
vshali pathania
Sat, 12/20/2014 - 22:20
aunti ji. mera 5 saal ka realtion tha apne bfrnd k sath... hmne sex b kiya...... or jb mai chd master degree k lie gyi to udr maine new bfrnd bna liia...... bt ab mai purane relationship me jana chahti hu........ bt mere pehle bfrnd ko pta hai ki mere new bfrnd k sath b physical reation bn gye hai........ mai kaise jau purane reation me........
please aunti ji mujhe ye bataiye ki every month me konse samay girl ke sath without condom sex kr sakte he jis se pregnancy ka khatra na ho... please ans me
plz help me to out of this meri gf ki shadi hi chuki hai aur mai usse abhi bhi bhula nahi paa raha hu what i do plz help me aur dusri gf bannae ki bhi himmat nahi ho rahi hai
i have a gf, she really loves me, she iz 5-6 years elder than me, i respect her, but kabi kabi naughty mood ho jata h, to sex ka mann karta h, i m mature, she is really cute, n kabi kabi vo b khti h chat par, but i kbow that she will not do so(aisa muje lagta h) to muje kya karna chahiye, i wanna start sex life with her, how can i convince her for sex
auty ji mene apne bf k sath sex kra hai bina condom.......ab mere mom dad meri shadhi khi or krna chte hai and mye baat bta bhi nhi skti....or vo ldka hmse nichi jati hai..........to mom dad vese ready nhi honge kya kru......kya m agar dusri shadhi kr leti hu to koi problem to nhi hogi.........plzzz help me....??????
Hello mam i wanna ask u one ques meri ek g.f h i love her to much nd i know ke wo bhi mujha bhut pyar krte h but jab baat sex ke aate h she always say no to sex but m cahta hu ke mera ek baar sex ka experience ho i don't want to force her but usko bhi smajhna caheya na plzz jwab dena ke mujha kya krna caheya 1mont baad vo chale jaayege
Auntyji... I love a girl... I had propose her... But usne mna kr diya... Plz suggest me some tips jinse wo mujhe haa krde....
Hmmmm! dekho bete Yadi who aapke saath rehna chahtey hain so unhe yeh nirnay lena hai, aap unse sirf isliye haan nahi karwa sakte kyunki kewal aap unhe pyar karte hain. Thoda shaant raho aur apna chintan swasth karo.
meri ek friend he hamara relation pichhle 2 saal se chlta he me usse bohat pyaar krta hu lekin vo muje sirf achha dost manti he me kya kru.
Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex
ajay kumar.
Tue, 03/31/2015 - 22:35
aunty ji .mai ek ladki ko pasand krta but wo ladki relaistion me ni pdna chte wo muje sirf apna dost smjti h ..ab usko kaise yakeen dilau i lv her...
Dekho bete! Dost banao, dosti ke liye na ki patane ke liye, phir dekho kya baat bantee hai. Apna look theek thaak karo, saaf suthre to dikho... koi badbudaar nahin!! Aur alag alag baaton mein dilchaspi rakho aur dikhao!! Lekin phir bhi yeh unki life hai unka decisioning hai ! Aap koi zabardasti nahi karwa saktay kisi se bus siliye kyunki sirf aap unsay pyar kartay hain! so zara apna chintan bhi swasth karo!
Aunty ji meri gf to bhot banti h per thode time m hi break up ho jata or m kuch ni kr pata wo kyo yr m to pyar krta hu koi mere se krti hi ni m kese bat kru mujhe kiss nd sex jaldi hi ho jaye is bar
Aunti ji....I'm in serious relationship with my girlfriend from 3 years..... And everything is good, our chemistry is superb.... Humne aaj tk sex ni kiya q ki vo chahti h k hum sex shadi k bad hi karey.. Maine apne parents say b baat kr rakhi h hamari shadi ki, my parents agreed, but usney abi baat ni ki apne parents say q k abi meri job ni lagi but ab lagney wali h.... Mere sabi frns ki gf h jo k serious relationship may h... Or jb b miltey h sex kartey h, I'm 24 and still virjin she too. Humne intercourse ni kiya but oral sex kar chukey.. Oral sex ko vo pyar karna manti h... Oral sex ni manti.... Kayi bar maine samjhane ki b kosish ki k sex karne say kuch ni hota, but vo ni samajhti... Is baat pr hamara kayi baar ladayi b hoti h.. M kya kru m very upset... I wana loose my virjinity with my first love.... Kuch aisa btao k wo razi ho jaye sex k liye.... Khud hi or hamari ladayi b na ho
Relax! Hastmaithun ek safe /surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. Isse koi nuksaan ya beemari nahin hoti. Yadi chahein toh bahut see activities hain, jaise ki khel – games, gym ya koi hobbies…ok? http://lovematters.in/hi/resource/men-masturbating
aunty ji. m sirf ye janna chata hu ki m apni gf ko kaise bolu sex k liye first date pe or vo tayar ho jae.
Bete kahin aisa karne se aap apne pyar se haath na dho betho isliye Kuch mat kijiey aur sahi sammaey aaney ka intzaar kijiey jab wo khud sehmati dikhaey sex ke liey.Kyunki kisi bhi rishtey mey jabardasti acceptable nahi hai . in baton se dhyan hatiey aur apney rishtey ko aur majbut banaiey. http://lovematters.in/en/news/how-can-i-convince-her-have-sex
Meri gf thi mai usee pyar krta hu bt jhsgra hone ke kaaan .baat chit ni hoti .or ab wo khti hai hai ki mai pyar ni krti. BT MUJHE USKE SATH sex v krna hai .or meri usee shadi v hone wali thi . Bt kisis ne mere baare mri kuch kuch bol kt sbko bhraka diya ab hm kya kre. Or mujhe ye v btaiyee ki mai apni gf ya koi unknown ko sex keliye kaise tyar karu .kya karu ki wo sex keliye ready ho jaye
Aapse aisa kisne kaha ki GF hoti hai taki uske saath kar sakein? Kya dosti, pyaar izzat- yeh sab kuch nahin? Aur yadi aap aisa sochte hai toh shayad aapka nazariya mahiloun ke prti bahut ek arfaa hai… isme toh sudhaar laana hee chahiye. Har mahila sex ki vastu bilkul nahi! Apne aas-paas ki mahilaon ko respect dijiye jese aap apne ghar ki mahila ko dete hai
aunti g, m ek ldki se bhut pyr krta hun lkin vo nhi krti .....usne mje kisi ki glti ki vjh se block bhi kr diya...lkin uski sheli khti h ki vo kisi or ldke ke sath relation m h....but i love her very much in all around world......but she is not interested in me.....bcs some problem.....how we can frnd with her
Arre, yadi koi humaare saath nahin rehana chahtey toh kyaa hum unhe force kar saktey hain? Nhain na?!! dekho bete Yadi who aapke saath rehna chahtey hain so unhe yeh nirnay lena hai, aap unse sirf isliye haan nahi karwa sakte kyunki kewal aap unhe pyar karte hain. Thoda shaant raho aur apna chintan swasth karo. Aur dost banao, dosti ke liye na ki patane ke liye, phir dekho kya baat bantee hai. Zara soch khulli karo!! https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/love-and-relationships
Mera naam sandy h or m ek chachi k sth sex krna chahta hu wo hamari dur ki ristedar h or dusre ghar m rhti h mai unhe sex k liye kese convence karu jbki wo sirf 5min k liye hi ati h hamare ghr or m unke ghr nahi jata hu to give me solution plz i want to do sex with her
pehle zara yeh sochiye ki apke mann mein jo chal raha hai woh sab jaankar yadi aapki chachi aapki complaint police mein ya apke ghar mein kar day ya aapki pitai shuru kar de toh isse apka career apki life par kya prabhav padea? so zara bete apna chintan swasth kijiye aur yeh baat apne mann se bilkul nikal dijiye ki mahila kewal sex ki vastu hai. apne aas pass ki mahilao ko respect dena shuru kijiye jese aap apni ghar ki mahilao ko dete hain. Samjhay?
aunty ji me 8 saal se muuty mar rha hu 21 ka hu 2 mhine bad meri sadi h kya me apni biwi ko satisfaction de pauga qki mera spurm ek min me nikal jata h kya kru
Bete pehle toh shaadi ke liye bohot mubark apko. Aur yeh itni tension liye kyun bethe ho aap. Aree bhai! Hasthmethun ek safe /surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. Isse koi nuksaan ya beemari nahin hoti. Yadi chahein toh bahut see activities hain, jaise ki khel – games, gym ya koi hobbies…ok? http://lovematters.in/hi/resource/men-masturbating
Bilkul nahi bete! Yeh ek safe /surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. Isse koi nuksaan ya beemari nahin hoti. Yadi chahein toh bahut see activities hain, jaise ki khel – games, gym ya koi hobbies…ok? http://lovematters.in/hi/resource/men-masturbating
hello aunty m raj...
Fri, 08/21/2015 - 21:44
m bht pareshan hu aunty ji..m ek ladki se pyar krta hu ye vo bhi janti h mne izhar b krdiya but ab vo mukar gyi apni baat se. m kya karun aunty ji m uske bina nahi ji skta. m kya karun m is situation se bahar nikalna chahta hu. pls give me suggestions
Bete Raj yadi koi humaare saath nahin rehana chahtey toh kyaa hum unhe force kar saktey hain? Nhain na?!! dekho bete Yadi who aapke saath rehna chahtey hain so unhe yeh nirnay lena hai, aap unse sirf isliye haan nahi karwa sakte kyunki kewal aap unhe pyar karte hain. Thoda shaant raho aur apna chintan swasth karo. https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/love-and-relationships
rohit sharma
Sun, 08/23/2015 - 01:57
aunti ji mera sex bhaut kam samye ka hai 1 se2 minit ka aur me finel ho jata hu to me kiya karu ki mera sex kam se kam 20 minit ka hona chahye plz aunty jhelp me
Bete Rohit aisee stithi mein, partner par focus badhana, foreplay , yaani bête ki pravesh karne se pehle bahut se alag alag kriyaein karna , jinse dono ko aanand mile, apne partner kee uttejna badhana, yeh sab activitys sabse zaroori hain. iske ilava, partner ke saath sex karne se pehle, ek baar hast maithun kar saktey hain, utne samay pehele jitne mein ling mein tanaav aa jaaye. Condom ka istemaal bhi jaldi discharge mein help karta hai. http://lovematters.in/hi/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts
Hmmm!! pehle zara yeh sochiye ki apke mann mein jo chal raha hai woh sab jaankar yadi woh mahila aapki complaint police mein kar day ya aapki pitai shuru kar de toh isse apka career apki life par kya prabhav padea? so zara bete apna chintan swasth kijiye aur yeh baat apne mann se bilkul nikal dijiye ki mahila kewal sex ki vastu hai. apne aas pass ki mahilao ko respect dena shuru kijiye jese aap apni ghar ki mahilao ko dete hain.
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