Masturbating him
Masturbating a man is also known – among many other things – as giving a hand-job. It’s when you rub or stroke the penis with your hand, usually back and forth over the head. This can give a really arousing feeling and can bring a man to orgasm. It’s different for every boy and can be different from time to time.
How do you do it?
- You can use your whole hand, or just your finger and thumb.
- You can make short movements or long strokes – experiment together.
- You can do it quickly or slowly, holding the penis firmly or more gently.
Ask your partner what he likes. Let him show you, perhaps with your hand under his. You can then feel exactly where he’s putting the pressure.
Body language
Pay attention to his body language. How is he responding to your touch? Is his penis getting even harder? Is he sighing or moaning? Then you’re getting it right! Is his breathing getting faster? That’s also a sign that he’s getting aroused.
Apart from your fingers, you can also use your mouth. See oral sex on a man, below. Only do it if you’re ready for it yourself – not just because the other person takes the initiative and you don’t dare to say no!
If your partner is circumcised, the head of the penis is often less sensitive. You can use spit or lubricant to make your hand slide more easily.
Oral sex on him
Oral sex on a man means stimulating the penis with your mouth. People also call it giving a blow-job, giving head, or ‘going down on’ a man. Many men find this very arousing, and it can bring them to orgasm. Some people only do this if they are in a very close relationship with the person, and others simply don’t like it.
How do you do it?
There are lots of ways to give oral sex. It’s different for every man and can be different from time to time.
When you give oral sex you can hold the penis in one hand. Then you can guide the movement and determine how deeply you take the penis in your mouth. Use plenty of spit, it’s a natural lubricant.
Lick your lips before you start. You can move your mouth over the penis faster or slower, with long strokes or short ones, harder or more gently, only over the head of the penis, or also down over the shaft.
Ten tips
1. Ask your partner what he likes. Get to know him so you can really give him pleasure.
2. Pay attention to his body language. If he moans and his penis stiffens, you must be doing it right!
3. Don’t use your teeth! It hurts.
4. Be carful with the penis and testicles. Your mouth and lips are soft, but you’ll probably also use your hands. Pay attention to how he responds to see if you’re being too rough.
5. Don’t take the penis too deeply inside your mouth – it can make you gag.
6. Stop if your jaw starts aching, and switch to using your hand for a while.
7. If you do not know the HIV status of the person, it maybe better to not ingest the semen in your mouth. While oral sex is considered a relatively safer activity, however, there can be some factors that may increase the risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex – like ejaculation in the mouth with oral ulcers, bleeding gums, genital sores, and the presence of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), which may or may not be visible. Otherwise use a condom (you can get flavoured ones) or dental dam during oral sex.
8. If he does come in your mouth, spit out the semen.
9. A lot of men like to come in your mouth, but if you don’t want it, you can also think of something else, like having him come on your breasts or belly.
10. If you don’t like the idea of giving oral sex, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Are you curious? Have a shower together first, so you feel nice and clean. And you can start making love under the shower!
Did you know...?
If a man drinks a lot of coffee and alcohol and he smokes, it makes his sperm taste bitter and sour. Sweet fruit and vegetables make the sperm sweeter.
Intercourse with him
Intercourse – to put it bluntly, fucking or screwing – is when you take a man's erect penis into your vagina. Most young people make love in other ways first. So don’t think you have to have intercourse straight away. Half of all 17-year-olds have never had intercourse.
How to have sex with a man
Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse right at the beginning. Build up slowly, make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.
First stroke his belly, the inside of his thighs, his balls and his buttocks before you move to his penis. Try touching his penis briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.
Tense your vagina during intercourse. You do this the same way you would if you were holding in urine. The vagina gets tighter and this can feel nice for the man.
You can touch his anus during intercourse. It’s easy to reach if he’s lying on top of you. You can gently stroke the anus, press on it more firmly with a finger, or put the tip of your finger inside. Build this up slowly.
Pain during intercourse
Some women experience pain during intercourse. What causes the pain?
The first time can hurt because the hymen is stretched.
It can hurt if the vagina isn’t moist enough. Only start having intercourse when you’re vagina is moist enough and if need be use lubricant.
If you often find intercourse painful, it could be because you’re tense. This means your pelvic floor muscles aren’t relaxing enough. Take time to relax and to get aroused. Talk to your partner about it.
If you have pain every time during intercourse, see a health professional, because sex shouldn’t hurt.
Will it go in?
Do you ever wonder if a penis would actually fit inside your vagina? You’re not the only one. As long as a woman is aroused – relaxed and wet – a penis will easily fit inside her vagina. After all, it’s stretchy enough for a baby to come out of!
What if it won’t go in easily?
Try lubrication
- Natural lubricants: saliva (spit), clean water
- Store-bought lubricants: water-based, silicone, or glycerine based ones.
- Examples of water-based lubricant: Astroglide or KY jelly
- Examples of silicone-based lubricant: Wet Platinum, Eros Bodyglide
- Examples of glycerine-based lubricant: any flavoured lubricants
If you get a lot of yeast infections, avoid glycerine-based lubricants. Glycerine contains sugars that yeast feed on, and can cause more yeast infections.
Avoid lubricants made out of petroleum jelly (Vaseline), lotions, cold creams, butter or margarine, because they can damage latex and cause condoms to tear.
Try different positions
Sometimes a vagina is on a slight angle or sometimes a penis is curved or bends, which makes it hard for the penis to enter the vagina.
It can help to try different positions. See some examples below, but don’t forget to use lubricant.
- ‘Missionary’: the man lies on top and the woman lies on her back
- Woman on top: the other way round
- From behind: the woman kneels on all fours and the man enters from behind
If none of these suggestions work, see your doctor or another health care professional – he or she can advise you of other options.