'I am 28 and have never had sex'
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'I am 28 and have never had sex'

Shekhar is 28 and still a virgin. He has had many girlfriends and flings yet he has not had the courage to have sex. What is the reason and most importantly- what is his plan? Read this interesting chat he had with Love Matters India.


“I have had many girlfriends and flings and all that,” my friend said, “but I have never had sex. You might not want to believe it, but it’s true.”

I have heard of sexless relationships. But they have often been stories from teenage. Teenagers are generally insecure about ‘giving it all away’. They have notions of ‘saving it’ for the right person. I guess a few years later, people realise that the ‘right person' is an illusion!

De-virginising years

So, why was my friend still a virgin at 28?

“Definitely not because I choose to be,” he said. “See, I had my first ‘girlfriend’ when I was 12 or 13. She wasn’t ready to have sex. And I wasn’t craving it either. It was puppy love. Then I remained single for a very long time. Until I was about 23. I just had sexual fantasies about girls, and was too shy to do anything in ‘real’ life,” my friend explained. Ah, so he missed out on the crucial devirginizing years.

“Yes, and when I was 23 and a virgin, I was always conscious of being a virgin. I heard from all my male friends that they weren’t. So I thought women might find it weird to be with a grown-up virgin man,” he said.

Vicious cycle

Due to his complex, my friend stayed a closeted virgin. He never approached any girl – the only way to lose his virginity – and as a result, remained a virgin. That’s a vicious cycle right there.“And I wasn’t growing younger. It just kept getting weirder and weirder.

The last girl I met thought I was impotent. She joked about it, but I knew right away that I wasn’t getting closer to her,” my friend told me. That sounds terrible, but what’s gone is gone. Let’s look at the future. What was his strategy? How was he going to crack open his huge, bulging, virgin suitcase?

White lie

“I have thought about it a lot and think as immoral as it sounds, I have to lie to the next woman I meet. I have to be all suave and smooth. I have no guilt. It will just be a white lie. It will help everyone involved. That’s the only way out,” he said. But what if it gets serious and if she finds out later? “Well, going by my success rate, that’s a rare probability. I wouldn’t waste my time thinking about that,” he said.

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters. Is there a right age to lose your virginity? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Facebook or our forum.

Gayatri Parameswaran is a multi-award winning writer, director and producer of immersive media works. She was born and raised in India and is currently based in Berlin, where she co-founded NowHere Media - a storytelling studio that views contemporary issues through a critical lens. She also edited the Love Matters website in its initial years. Check out more about her here.

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