Top tips to deal with a controlling partner

Top tips to deal with a controlling partner

Love comes in many forms – from the chocolates he gets for you to the special dress you choose for her. But so does control, if only one person gets to make all the decisions. Here are some ways to identify control in your relationship and suggestions to cut it out.

Make him aware

You both are going to a party and he just told you to change the dress that you were wearing. You have a few options. You sulk, change the dress or you could make him aware that you really want to wear the dress you chose and that it will make you happy.

Sometimes men are not even aware that they are becoming controlling in a relationship. Women subject themselves completely to their partner’s wishes to make them ‘happy’ but feel suffocated inside. And the partner, on the other hand, could be completely unaware. So the first step is  – make him aware of how you feel.

Ask him why

 You want that job in the other city as it is good for your career but she is stopping you. What to do? When your partner stops you from doing something, do not take it lying down. Politely ask for the reason behind it. At least this will help you understand her perspective – right or wrong. If she is ready to listen to your side of the story, sit down and politely explain why you want to do something.

Avoid getting into a fight    

 He does not like it when you go out with your friends on weekend and wants you to be at home, with him. But you so want to go out and have fun. He is angry and you know it will be a pain point when you leave that day.   

 Whatever the situation is, listen carefully to what your partner has to say. Take a deep breath, count till ten and maintain your cool and composure. If you get into an argument with your partner, do not give him a chance to shout or to get angry at you. Ask him to lower his voice if he shouts at you and tell him to behave maturely. If you think that the argument is not going anywhere, quietly move away at that time. Explain yourself later when you both have cooled off.

Do not expect changes overnight

So, you and your partner had a long discussion about her controlling nature and she has agreed to change herself for you. But when you go out at a restaurant the next night, she still wants to go to her favorite place and not yours! You are obviously frustrated. But be patient.

Do not expect change overnight. The best thing to do at this point is to remind her ofwhat she promised you. Talk to her about what you want and also remind her how much you love her. Also, give her and yourself some more time to see the changes you want to see.

 Don’t be the maid of the house

It’s evening time and you both have come back from office. While he sits and removes his shoes in the living room, throws his bag on the sofa and watches TV to unwind – you go to the kitchen and make tea. Not only this, you also keep his shoes back in the rack, his bag in the study and keep his jacket too in his cupboard.

Stop giving him that special treatment. Let him do his stuff. The more you give him a special treatment, the more he will take you for granted. Are you worried that if you do not keep stuff on one place he might actually be unable to find it? Well, maybe for a couple of days he may be lost, ‘Where are my socks’! but sooner or later he will realise that it is not your duty and you are his partner, not the maid of the house.

Remember, a  healthy relationship is of equals.

Persons in the picture are models. 

 Do you also feel controlled by your partner at times? Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

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