Sometimes she doesn't shower for as many as three days. I don't like getting intimate because she's so messy. Now she's upset and says I'm avoiding her. I'm really confused, Auntyji. Please help me. Virat (24), Delhi
Auntyji says... O my God, beta Virat, are you serious? This ladki needs to be picked up and put into a washing machine! Yes, she really has terrible habits, though may I add – it's not just boys who are unclean, girls can be equally messy and smelly. Aye haye!
Hard talk OK beta, I’m sure you have already tried all sorts of cajoling. Maybe it's time to try some new tactics – some strong conversations. It is time to confront her, but keep in mind that it could turn out to be rather tough.
So sit her down and talk to her. Say you need to have a very serious chat and take her on. Tell her she MUST shower every day, she NEEDS to wash up and put clean clothes on. And tell her she must do it not just for your sake but mainly for her own. Tell her people have begun gossiping about it and that she's becoming a topic of ridicule.
Offer incentives Let’s not mix up health, hygiene and cleanliness with social concepts of beauty. This is not the same thing. What you're talking about has to do with loving and respecting our bodies and even honouring each other as lovers or those with whom we share the same space. Being dirty and smelly may be cool for us but disgusting to others.
Beta Virat, you can also give her some incentives like, “I can make showers more fun. I can scrub your back, shampoo your hair, or take a bath with you. Or sit and talk to you whilst you wash up or bathe.” That will be both sweet and tender and even rather sexy.
An ultimatum Now by the end of all this, if nothing works then perhaps beta you will need to take another very strong step – an ultimatum. If she prefers to remain filthy over saving her relationship with you, well then we know how much she values the relationship. And there may well be deeper issues here – too early to talk about now.
Ohhhhh, it's revolting to have a badbudaar companion. A smelly ole partner. A part of loving and being loved is loving each other’s habits and, yes, even the body. The body can be big, small, dark, fair, disabled, and of any gender. It surely doesn't have to fit any mould or stereotype, but it has to be approachable. You should feel comfortable holding your partner close to you, not holding your breath when you get close to them.
One for all Virat beta, surely Auntyji does favour girls and women. You know why beta, because they have for years and years got the raw end of the deal, even you will agree. BUT that does not mean I am anti-boys or anti-men. No beta, never. You are all the same to me, an issue can be with a boy or a girl. And the same problem could be either a boy's or a girl's – just like yours. My response would be the same if a girl wrote to me asking the same question about her smelly boyfriend. So all you boys there, write in with no worries. OK?
OK ji, now go and get ready for that chat... you owe it to yourself and to her too. You will be doing her a real favour, I tell you, whether she realises it or not. All the best beta, and you are doing the right thing, believe me.
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