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My GF is seeing someone else. What should I do?

By Auntyji Tuesday, July 4, 2017 - 15:24
Hello Auntyji, I found mushy messages from another guy on my girlfriend's phone. She says he is just a good colleague. But she talks to him quite a lot. I know something is going on. I am heartbroken, but I can't leave her. What should I do? Saurabh, 25, Bareilly.

Auntyji says... Oh dear! Who likes to be heartbroken? No one I assure you.

Balancing act

Beta Saurabh, this is an uncomfortable situation. Sometimes we do get a feeling – we are unsure – but if it's there – it's worth checking out – I will agree.  Achcha, so now, yeh baat to hai beta that suspicion does not help at all. In fact it has little or no meaning. So don't let that come in your way. You are well within your rights to say – you find this 'friendship’ a bit odd – and state your reasons why. The problem here is: are you being a suspicious boyfriend, who wants to have too much control over his girlfriend's pals and her to do list, or are you just asking for some clarity?  It's a very tight rope – a delicate balance in fact!

Not quite right

The point where you lost me beta is – you checked her phone – that's a no no! That's snooping. Same applies for following your partner around or checking her Facebook continuously – that’s really not ok Saurabh. So while she can turn around and say you are being 'hyper' and you will either have to tell her you checked her phone or allow her to continue to hold on the 'he is just a good friend' line. You better have your facts ready Saurabh. How do you know – for sure – that she is seeing this guy as well?

Rejection hurts

Puttar, apart from the let down, this is also a moment where one feels hugely impacted – even compromised. It's a rejection of sorts – yes. But just remember this one thing beta – if she really has feelings for someone else it's not because you lack in any ways. It's maybe what else she is looking for. It is impossible to find everything we want and desire in one person. Does that mean we start looking for another partner? That's what you both need to think and figure out. Are you both getting what you want from this relationship? One tip – don't be rigid – but listen and clarify… Why? Because you love her betaji and good communication is a must for a good relationship

Cards on the table

So let's imagine, she says, 'you are trying to control me, show me down… you don't trust me.' What will you do? Tough call puttar! Remember beta, this conversation can cost you your relationship – she may get defensive, angry and break it off. Are you ready to take that step of moving out of this relationship? Think and consider in depth.
Like I say – the sound of a heart break reverberates far and wide. Take care of yourself. Begin to prep for the conversation – pick your points carefully – be clear and speak up. Give some solutions that you think may improve the situation – 'you will never talk to him again' – is NOT one of them. It has to be more exploratory and what she wants out of this relationship and what she is willing to contribute… exact same for you Saurabh!

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