My best friend broke my heart - now what?

By Auntyji Tuesday, February 11, 2014 - 15:50
Q: I am in love with my best friend. I thought it was mutual so I told him. Last month, when he returned from a holiday, he said he was dating someone else. Now he is ignoring me completely. I am so hurt. What do I do? Sahiba (22), Udaipur.

Auntyji says... sunn Sahiba sunn... pyaar ki dhunn! Sad-sad-sad!

Friends or lovers?Sahiba beta, this is a very common situation. You get so close and so into each other, so together that the lines between friendship and romance get awfully blurred. You forget who you are... friends or lovers.

Now he is must be a good friend but he does seem a bit of a duffer! First he gives you some sort of signals and then in a month goes and finds true love and decides to ignore his best friend? Very smart young man, wah wah.

Rejection and dejectionI am with you Sahiba. Arre, a dear friend of your Aunty has also left recently and I am so sad and I can very well imagine how you must be feeling. But beta, listen. It seems he was a bit confused... hain na? He also thought he was in love, but actually it was the power of friendship that drew him towards you, not the romantic kind of love. So beta, don’t feel rejected – it’s more like a bit of a misunderstanding, a mish-mash of emotions.

Dejection – yes. You must be so sad and lonely, pyaar pyaar raha nahin, dost bhi gaya. Aye haye, I too feel like crying.

Collect yourselfWhatever it is, confusion or not, you have lost your loved one, I see that. Very painful. So what you going to do now? Cry? OK, go ahead. Be bluesy, think of him and the good times – all very valid. It’s a part of a let-down, a relationship changed, of course you will feel the pain.

On the other hand, maybe this is also the right time to connect with other pals, to meet up a bit, maybe go out for a film, a play, some music show... reading, TV, any hobby you really miss. Catch up with all that, Sahiba. Collect yourself.

ClosureSo your pal has moved on... moved on to a love relationship and is being a little foolish. OK, let him. Let him be. Arre nayi nayi yaari hai na, thoda pata to chale, what it means to have a real good girl for friend!

You too get ready, Sahiba, prep up for closure of one aspect in this relationship, which was thankfully quite brief. Once you are able to come to terms with the new terms, then I say surely go and seek him out. Seek him out and tell him, basically how stupid he has been.

Friends, not over!Go and be the bigger person. Yes, you asked him out, he agreed. He was confused, maybe you were too. That aspect is over. But you were friends first, hain na... so what’s wrong with being friends...ask him to get over his stupidity and be a real friend. Make the offer Sahiba... you do your best and leave the rest to take its own course.

He comes back as a true good friend, great, if not, that’s super too. At least you got to experience real friendship and you did your best...if he doesn’t have the maturity, not much that you can do, can you? At least you can look yourself in the mirror and say, “Hey Sahiba... you are one hell of a gal!”

Auntyji is sponsored by DKT.

This article was first published on 27-August-2013.

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