Love Matters Auntyji
Love Matters

In love with my married friend - should I tell him?

By Auntyji Wednesday, November 30, 2016 - 13:08
Auntyji, I began chatting with my ex-classmate recently and have developed feelings for him. He is married and belongs to Muslim religion. Should I confess my love to him? Alice (26), Aligarh.

Auntyji says... Hain? “He belongs to Muslim religion!” Iska kya matlab hua betaji? How does his religion make anything better or worse here? Let's discuss.

Well-adjusted or not

Beta Alice, are you under the impression that because he belongs to a certain community, he will be open to having relationships with multiple partners? Why, Alice?

Just because the community allows you to have more than one marital partner, he will try to adjust or fit you in? Alice, does that make any sense to you? Isn’t this a huge assumption?

The feelings and sentiments of both the partners are crucial in any relationship.

Old flames

All else aside, you’ve found a man you feel attracted to. There’s nothing wrong with that. Love happens ji. It happens anytime and anywhere.

When we fall in love or experience attraction towards someone, we get to know so much about our own self too, isn’t it? You can now say that he’s your kind of guy.

You also seem to have identified why you like him so much. You knew him when you were young and bubbling with life and now - kaboom!

He’s grown up to be the man you always wanted and you really want to be with him now.

All the tiny details

So while you are in this heady haze, there are a few other details you may be missing. Apart from the tiny detail of him being married. Here they are. Beta, chatting mein mohabbat is very different from reality mein pyaar.

One of the qualities he’s developed could be that he writes very well. He’s very expressive, and maybe that also means he’s a cool guy. But, Alice, he may be a total specimen in real life.

He may have some terrible habits or a squeaky, nasal voice. Think of Janice from Friends or our very own Donald Duck.

Mind your manners

So let’s do the inventory. First, you may want to make sure that you don’t let things slip while you’re chatting. Saying “I love you” to him would have been a great admission eight years ago. Now it seems totally out of bounds.

Blatantly confessing your love to him might make him uncomfortable. It can really mean a breach of his trust, Alice.

I hope you haven’t spoken about this to your common friends either. If you have, that means the rest of your group becomes involved in something very personal between two people.

High stakes and low gains

There is a lot at stake here, puttar! You have this huge crush and he has no idea. You have some long-term plans developing and he’s already in a long-term commitment.

You may be assuming too much, Alice. You think he might be interested in you, but that could be a delusion.

 

Puttar, ek baar mil toh le. Who knows? He may give you a good reason to end the chats altogether.

Eh das Alice, what if he belonged to a different community?  Would you have similar hopes about him?

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

Have you ever been in love with someone who is married? Share your experiences in comments below or join us on Facebook. If you have a question, head to our discussion forum

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Comments
Relax, Jacob beta. Jaldi viryapaat hone se koi baat nahin, don’t worry. Toh sabse pehle toh apni partner ki body ko samjh lo- usko time de do. Aur yadi shareer mein uttejna adhik ho, sex ki bhavna zyada hogi toh sheegra hi patan hone ki sambhavna bhi adhik ho sakti hai. Aisi stithi mein, partner par focus badhana, foreplay, yaani bete ki pravesh karne se pehle bahut se alag alag kriyaen karna , jinse dono ko anand mile, apne partner ki uttejna badhana, yeh sab activities sabse zaroori hain. Iske ilava, partner ke saath sex karne se pehle, ek baar hast maithun kar saktey hain, utne samay pehle jitne mein ling mein tanaav aa jaaye. Condom ka istemaal bhi jaldi discharge kum karne mein madadgaar saabit ho sakta hai. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Auntyji, mai premature ejaculator hun, except chemicals her desi medicine try krli hai, kegel exercise bhi ki hai per koi improvement nhi hui,mera time starting se hi boht kam tha per last 4 years se 40 seconds tak hogya hai, mai unmarried hun abi aur meri age 24 year hai
Aapki partner ka kya kehna hai is par? Kya woh abhi bhi aapke saath hain? Is baat ko toh aap dono hi sudhaar sakte hain.. baat cheet kar ke, charcha kar ke. Lekin bete Jab ek rishta ek makaam tak ruk jaata hai, toh use phir shuru karna ya us per hee tike rehana shayad itni samjhdaari nahin. Aage badho,naye kadam uthao, naye aur purane dost dhoondho, films,music, koi hobbies. Jaise ki unhone keeya hai. Apni zindigi jeene mein utar aao. All the best. https://lovematters.in/en/news/shes-avoiding-me-now-what Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Aise ideas kaha se aati hai? Blue films se ya chat rooms se. ki family ke log sex ke liye raazi honge. Kripya swastha chintan kijiye... Weh aur unke husband ki apni life hai, uska sammaan kijiye. Aap apni umar ke dosto se rishta jodiye, agal bagal ya apne college mein logon se dosti kijiye. Aap ke mama par kya guzregi jab unhe pata chalega ki aap ki man mein apni mami ke liye kya bhav hai? Aapke parents ko kaisa lagega? Yeh common hai ki apne se badi umar ke striya anek ladko ko aakarshit karti hai, lekin iska ye matlab nahi ki aap apni maami par dore daalein. https://lovematters.in/en/news/turned-older-women-normal All the best. Is link ko padh lijiye.
Rajhans prajapat
Thu, 01/26/2017 - 07:05
Main ek ladki se 4 saal se bahut pyar karta hu but uski shadi 2 mahino me hone wali hai aur wo apne hone wale husband se ghanto bate karti hai jo mujhe gussa aata h mai kahta hu ki usi se baat karo to manti nahi h bolti h apse v baat karungi wo apne hone wale husband se v pyar karne lag gayi h mai kya karu samajh nhi aa rha?
Hi aunty g mera ek question hai pls jaldi jawab dijiyega main abhi khuch Dino phele village se aya hoon waha mujhe apni maami se pyaar Ho Gaya hai kya main unhe purpose kar doon agar Maine unhe purpose kar bhi Diya toh kya wo mere pyar ko accept kar legi??
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