Auntyji says, ‘Are you justified in expecting sex for the love you gave her all year long? Is that the question beta Ankit? Pata nahin, let’s see’.
A good year
So you have been good and cared for your girlfriend and you both have had, as we say – a good year– yes? Very fine. And you say you both have been very happy together. You have bought her so many gifts and presents and now you feel that she should reciprocate. Fair enough.
A relationship is a two-way street – sahi hai. But beta Ankit, barter system finished a few hundred years ago – ‘you give me grain I’ll give you vegetables’ – beta samapt ho chukka! Did you miss the memo? Beta, pyaar mein sauda nahin!
Give some get some
You want something in return – we all do. Each relationship comes with its own set of expectations and hopes. However, there has to be some comparative na puttar? Some point of reference! You give her whatever you do – material and non-material. Hopefully, she reciprocates.
Hence you are still saath saath, right? Sometimes you pay, sometimes she does. You give her a chocolate, she sends you a heartfelt thanks message and one day brings you some gaajar ka halva from home – all equal, hai ki nahin?
So is this the first time you are having sex? You and so many other young men like you have such HUGE expectations from this day. It’s almost a sure shot recipe for something to go wrong. Here are some examples. What if you can’t get an erection or you can’t find space to have private time for long enough. It is also possible that she is nervous and not relaxed or you are nervous and not relaxed.
What if she has her period or you don’t know what to do with her. Get this – naked body! She freaks out – get this –with your naked body! What if she finds penetrative sex very painful and stops you in half a minute! Or you are so super excited that you have an early ejaculation. It’s quite possible that you can’t get the condom on or you can’t perform?
Sounds fun? Am sure not! Not a good way to spend your day of love and longing – is it? But all very real occurrences, Ankit – I can tell you that!
What’s the big deal of ‘doing it’ on this Valentine’s Day! I am very sure this poor, bechara St Valentine never would have thought his day of sacrifice (he was actually killed on this day!) must be a troubled man. When did a day supposed to mark love, care and respect for each other become a day of demand for sex?
Is having sex the one and only golden nishani of true love – kya koi saboot dena hai? ‘If you love me have sex with me and prove it!’ Let me tell you khullam khulla puttar, yeh pyaar nahin – this is blackmail. Ankit, puttar, yeh jo ‘what’s wrong with my expectation of sex’, is a double-edged sword.
Yes, you can expect sex from your partner but you can’t expect her or him to provide it to fulfill your expectation. What if they ask you the same – ‘if you really love me, you wouldn’t expect sex’ – then?
Tone it down
Ankit puttar – spend a day of fun and love with your girlfriend. Don’t worry about giving and taking – tell her the same. This overpricing of love products, the over expectation of giving and getting something ‘extra’, more than the other person has just taken away the joy of this day for all of you. Even girls are doing the same – comparing gifts and boyfriends! ‘My bf loves me more if he spends more’! Don’t subscribe to this myth.
Make your own Mughal-e-Aazam – your own love story! Use this day to strengthen your love for each other. Is that Ok? Chalo putar – koi romantic sa gaana ho jaye! Calling Arijit Singh...Dil deeyaan gallann... karaange naal naal bey ke... ankh naal ankh nu milaa keyyyy!
Names have been changed to protect the identity. This article was first published on 2018-02-08.