Auntyji - Love Matters
Love Matters

I love my friend, but he is engaged – please help!

By Auntyji Tuesday, February 9, 2016 - 17:15
Auntyji, I am in love with my friend who recently got engaged. I know this is wrong but I cannot stop feeling for him. What should I do? Ambika (24), New Delhi.

Auntyji saysBeta Ambika, I feel like starting with a line straight out of the movies. “Are you out of your mind?” But then I know that pyaar dewaana hota hai beta...

Losing control

So let’s see, does the man know about this? When did these feelings start? Did he ever indicate that he was also keen? You see Ambika, sometimes when we are ‘losing’ something, we devise a strategy to try and keep it with us. We convince ourselves of something which may not actually be true.

So you are ‘losing’ a friend to marriage, you feel he won’t be the same (you’re right about that) and suddenly you tell yourself, “Hell, how can I let him go? I love him!”

Mixed up

Or you may really be in love with him and your feelings did not bother you until now. So sabse pehle, figure out which one of the above is true. Ab, let’s say it is this one, you do love him. But beta, he didn’t see you that way so far. You are his dear friend for sure but not his dear love. That’s not so bad, in fact it’s great!

It also doesn’t mean that he chose her over you. Friends are equally important, Ambika. You know that and so does he. In fact, every unique relationship has equal significance, in its own way. So please stop this self-deprecation and self-pity, got it? There’s nothing wrong in how you are feeling, it's just messed up!

Missed opportunity

You say he is a friend. Do you have any idea what he will do or respond if you casually slip your heart out? “Ehhh… just wanted to tell you one thing before you get married. I love you. Now that’s out of the way, congrats baby!”

The big risk here is you may end up losing your friendship for the love you are professing.

That’s a bigger heartbreak, Ambika. A very big one. In fact puttar, you are going through a heartbreak, unless the man breaks off his engagement, pulls off the ring from her finger, pushes her over the balcony, shoves the ring onto yours and you both are a happy couple! See that happening? Right, me neither! Tough one for you beta, Ambika!

Plan of action

So watcha gonna do, girl? How about talk to your bffs and have a whole-hearted cry out? How about you ‘disappear’ for a few days? Take a short holiday or a short break, alone or with other pals. But please don’t include him.

Finally the hardest one, talk to him. Tell him, run the risk but before that, be ready for anything that may come your way, anything! Shock, surprise or rejection and be ready to not like any of it.

Whatever his reaction, you will probably land up feeling let down and sad. But on the other side, it will be out of the way. He may even handle it very sweetly. You both may go on to become better friends or even partners, maybe, if Hindi movies are to be believed. I wouldn’t bet on it though...

Do you know most women after their heartbreak are known to get in shape, fit in some serious gym for a body to die for? Even if you die getting the body, it is better than going through a heartbreak or loss in love. What say? Not a bad bargain after all, haan? Whatsayye?


The protect the author's privacy, the person in the picture is a model.

What would you do if you were in Ambika’s shoes? Shoot your queries on our discussion board or write to us on Facebook.

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