Aunty Ji
Love Matters India

I love girls but how do I find the one who loves me?

By Auntyji Thursday, January 4, 2018 - 01:24
Hi Auntyji, I am attracted to women. But I don't know how to approach other women because I don’t know who may be interested in me and who not? I don’t want to embarrass myself. Akriti, 19, Jaipur.

Auntyji says..Betaji Akriti, that is a bit of a ‘googly’, kyunki ladki-ladki mein pyaar – how will samaaj handle this yaar?! Haha, let's see!

You never know

So ji sabse pehle, the big ‘what if.’ What if you approach a girl and she turns out to be poker straight! Straight as an arrow and very narrow in her thinking. What if she freaks out and creates a scene? Not a pretty sight that one and a sure shot case of utter embarrassment for you! How will you ever know that who is and who is not sexually keen to be with? Tough one.   

Chance ki baat

Betaji, I think that this is a problem not only in your case (a ladki-ladki love) but it is an issue in any other relationship too. Everyone faces these questions – how do you begin the conversation? How do you make the first move?  A path replete with hurdles, to be tread with caution, it may seem.

Frankly, its easier for the heterosexual couples and is fairly simple or straightforward for them, one may say. Boy or girl asks boy or girl out. If both parties agree, some ishq mohaabat chumbak starts.

If one says NO – the other feels poorly, gets some sympathy, drinks a little extra and life continues. Here, if a girl gets approached by a girl and she is the straight as an arrow type – she may have a small convulsion at being asked out. Now, that puts you in an odd situation. No one wants to take that chance.

Getting started

So, to begin with, and make things easy for you, let’s try a step by step approach. If you like a girl, then ‘size her up.’ Arey not the 36-24-36 size, but check her attitude wise. I want to say beta, become good friends first but I am not going to tell you to do this. And I am sure you know why.

In being good friends with her, chances are that you will fall in love with her and later on she feels bad that you have other hopes. Also, you both may end up fighting and things can take a terrible turn, especially if she tells someone.

But if I could start as a friend, I would. I would say to you that get to know her a bit. See what her attitudes are and what her ideas on these issues are and then ‘invest’ in the friendship or a relationship.

Not a new phenomenon  

Akriti beta, bahut see girls like you have had crushes on women. The grand old rule of the Love Chronicles which said that opposites attract is long-dated. If any of them speaks up honestly, she may tell you that there was some or the other girl who she was pretty ‘nuts’ about. Some stay with it, some forget it, so it’s really quite common.  

So while the samaaj may not want to accept the fact that women can love and belong to each other – it exists! The only issue is of personal safety and your own privacy. No one wants to get ‘outed’ by anyone else.

Keep the control in your hands

So keep that control in your hands. Just don’t get your hopes up too high and be ready for the conversation to go either way. If she doesn't like you the way you like her, it’s ok. It’s her choice. Respect that. However, if she does express her liking for you, take it forward in a positive manner.

Also, remember that finding a good relationship always takes time – straight or gay. So have oodles of patience and keep working at it. A good partner is always worth the wait!

Have you felt attracted to a person of the same sex? Share your stories with us in the comments section or on our Facebook page. If you have a question, please visit our discussion forum.

Did you find this useful?

Gaurav bete, yeh samajh lijiye ki hastmaithun aur swapndosh dono hee bohot hi common baat hain insein na hi koi kamzori aati hai aur na kisi bhi tarah ki koi smasya hoti hai. Aur adhik jankari aap yaha se haaasil kar sakte hain: Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
Arnit bete, yes, ismein pregnancy ke chances ho sakte hain. Iske liye phoren ek home pregnancy test lijiye. Phir kisi vishagya ya achche panjikrit doctor se milo aur dekho kya ho sakta hai. Iske illava aap FPAI clinic se bhee sampark kar sakety hai jiski jaankari aaapko iski website pe mil jayegi. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
Bete messenger ki suvidha toh uplabdh nahi hai. Lekin aapki jo bhi samsya hai woh aap hamein yaha likh sakte hain. Hum apki samsya suljhane ki puri koshish karenge. Yadi aap kisi bhee mudde par humse gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon!
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