Aunty ji says, ‘Arre, paas baithee hai does it mean she is making a pass at you, Puttar?’
To be noted
Beta aye ki gall hui? Since she is sending you notes – does that mean she is saying ‘let’s kiss?’ Did any of her notes say any such thing? Nahin na? Taan pher? How did you come to this conclusion? How did you assume that because she sits next to you, passes you notes and is friendly – she wants to get sexual with you? How does that even add up?
Asal main, this is a very common misunderstanding, hain nee? Ki because she is ‘nice’ to me, she wants me the way I want her. No beta – this is your dimaag ki upaj. A creation of your own fantasy. Not just you, many young people fall for this – boys and girls, equally.
Of course s/he will be ‘nice’. Do you want that people should treat you meanly – badly? Is that an indication of s/he is not that into you? And if they are well mannered and sociable, does that mean they ‘dig’ you? There can be nothing further from the truth?
Get it going
So now let’s see what you can do. First get this idea out of your head that you want to kiss her and hence you want to get close to her. That’s a trap. It's cheating! At least get to know each other a bit better. Today you are just tuition pals and tomorrow you suddenly become kiss mates? Possible, but it’s a huge risk too, no beta? Pata chale she freaks out, then?
Let's begin with ‘friends first’ campaign. Give her the opportunity to say YAY or NAY. Find out what she feels about you. Ask her out –koi dating- shating type. Talk to her. Coffee pe le jaa. Ice cream khila.
I am sure you know what I mean. Ranjan, puttar, yaad rakheen, that she has the right to say Yes and No. And you have to honour both. Every relationship must have sehmati – an unadulterated element of consent in it. This is a non-negotiable.
Consent is key
Ab, if she says, ‘Yes’ – it doesn’t also mean you start following her about with a sunflower mouth and a placard saying - let’s kiss. Yeh bhi galat baat hui. We can’t make any public disclosures of who we are going out with, who we are kissing or making out with unless you have their explicit agreement. This is a breach of trust and a very cheap thing to do, you know, LS – low society ki activity.
Be an ethical lover and good pal. Take her consent and take it on every intimate and personal issue. And if she is a smart young girl, she will value that forever.
New kind of kabootars!
Suppose she says no, then the first thing you both will do is change seats, stop talking to each other. Haina? Everyone will know – kuch to hua hai! Are you ready for that? So do think about that scenario before you make the move.
Ranjan beta, I think your notes are your best emissaries or kabootars (let’s call them so). In the numerous ones you exchange in a day –use the same kabootar and write something else. Make it a bit – niji – personal. Like, ‘you are a sweet girl’ or ‘you look very sweet today’. I’d say avoid ‘sexy’ as it may give out a very wrong signal. So stick to stuff like ‘let’s have a nimbu paani after class – My treat!’
Be the sweet guy you are but also invest in this new forthcoming relationship and yaad rakhna, consent is the pehla niyam!
*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.