You and your guy have been dating for four months. He’s totally into you, all your friends say, and it’s true you do spend a lot of time together. What’s more? He has even introduced you to his friends as his girlfriend.
Still, you’re constantly worried the relationship is going to end. Why? Because small things really bother you. Anything – if he doesn’t hold your hand, changes plans, doesn’t call for a few days, or even sleeps at a regular time because the poor chap is tired! You’re convinced it means he’s going to dump you.
All in the mind
Your real problem is that you are always worried about breaking up with your boyfriend – when there is no actual reason for it. These feelings are just in your mind and they are not even real. There isn’t a risk of him doing so and thinking negatively could have a real impact on your relationship.
A group of Italian researchers talked to over a hundred subjects – mostly women. The aim was to see how feeling your relationship is at risk affects romance and commitment to the partner.
The researchers made the students believe that their relationship was at a low, medium or high risk of coming to an end. Next, they asked them how often they got into minor arguments or fights with their partners.
Finally, they asked how the students felt about their partners romantically and how committed they were to the relationship.
Seriously worrying about your relationship is not a good sign. Regardless of whether your boyfriend is actually going to break-up with you or not but if you think negative, chances are that he soon will! Also, too much worry is not good for romance!
The study found that the participants who were most worried about their relationship were totally unhappy with their guy or girl. Now wait for the surprise find – the habit of worrying had nothing to do with how often they actually fought or argued!
Protecting yourself by pulling away
What happens when your romantic feelings towards your partner turn negative? You feel less committed to him or her, the study showed. In a way this makes sense. If you’re convinced that the break-up is sure in future, you might try to protect yourself by pulling away.
If you have a good reason to worry about your partner – like you spotted some lipstick marks on his shirt, or he's avoiding you – then worrying about your relationship makes sense.
But if there is no real reason to worry, it’s not doing you any good. Be positive, think positive, think good and the good will happen to you. If you want to remain negative, negative will happen to you.
Reference: Relationships at risk: How the perceived risk of ending a romantic relationship influences the intensity of romantic affect and relationship commitment. Motivation and Emotion. (2017) Published online November 28, 2017 in Springer.