Karan, 28, is an accountant and works in Surat.
Confessing my love?
‘Jab kisi ki taraf dil jhukane lage, baat aakar zabaan tak rukane lage,
aankhon-aankhon mein ikraar hone lage,
bol do agar tumhe pyaar hone lage, hone lage… hone lage’
Is confessing your love as easy as it seems in the movies? Well it wasn’t for me. Why, you may ask. Well, maybe because I had this strange fear of losing him. What if he gets so angry that he stops talking to me altogether? After all he was the only one I could talk to without even noticing how much time had passed.
We met for the first time in class fourth, where the school, along with friendship, was something new for the both of us… and I, for one, never thought that this friendship would go so far.
Everything was going on in the realm of friendship till class 11, when he started liking a girl. And because I was his best friend, I was the first one to know. This news made me feel like something was missing… like a train was leaving me behind. My world came crashing down.
And then the song - Jag Soona Soona Lage- hit me.
My friend liked a girl
It was 2008 and the movie 'Om Shanti Om' had just come out. And it felt like the songs were made just for me. But I could not understand why this was happening. If seen from the point of view of the world, I should have been happy that my friend liked a girl, but instead I was jealous of that girl. And even though she was a good friend of mine, now it seemed like all she was just a wall between me and my friend.
After a while I started to console myself. Although it hurt to see them together, it also gave me peace to see him so happy. We still hung out but now all he did was talk about the girl and I, instead of keeping her in mind, created a fantasy world of my own where I was the one he talked about… in the hope that maybe one day he will understand how much I want him.
Happy in his happiness
Now, after seeing him happy, I also got better, and started advising him on how he could make his relationship stronger. He used to feel strange and make fun of me always asking, ‘How do you know all this? You’ve never even had a girlfriend.’ But my advice actually worked and their relationship started deepening.
Now how could I tell him that I have wanted him since childhood but was afraid to say so? And somewhere, there was this question in my mind that is it okay to even want a boy? Am I doing something wrong? But whenever I was with him, all my doubts would disappear.
Their relationship lasted for 6 years. And by then our post graduation was also completed. The three of us had done our M.Com together. But suddenly after six years, their relationship took a new turn, the girl started to distance herself from him. When we dug into it together we discovered that she had started liking a boy from her office. And it resulted in the only thing that he feared - break up !!! That too after six years.
Matchmaking
My friend was completely broken, putting his head on my shoulder, he started crying bitterly. This went on for three months. I could not see him like this, always afraid that he might do something to himself.
Then I contacted my cousin and told her about his breakup. She herself had gone through a breakup recently, so she could understand. They came in contact through Facebook, where a friendship blossomed and soon after that they fell in love, and the story took a beautiful turn.
Now my friend was very happy. And I was happy for him. Today it has been three years since they got married and I couldn’t be happier about how things turned out.
They said it best: Love is a nature, not a deal that it’ll only take place if it’s two sided.
The story was first published in Gaylaxy e-magazine on August 14, 2019. Gaylaxy is India's leading LGBTQ e- magazine that is available in English and Hindi.
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