sex toy
Shutterstock/wavebreakmedia/Person in the photo is a model

‘Mom, can I buy a sex toy?’

Naina, a girl with disability, thought of buying a sex toy. But was it easy? Will her mom agree? Will she be able to use it properly? She had so many questions. But there was only one way to find out - to take the plunge. She shares her experience with Love Matters India.

Naina, 27, is a student at Delhi University and a woman with disability. 

Replacing the physical touch? 

It started as a phrase when I began craving for a physical relationship in my life. I wanted to get physical with someone I could trust but my relationships didn't work out well. I was heartbroken and sad. Yes, I did want a serious relationship but I felt like I will never be able to satisfy myself sexually. I was frustrated with my life.

I read an article online about vibrators and other sex toys and thought of exploring the whole idea of buying one. But can sex toys replace the physical touch? I wasn't really convinced initially but eventually wondered, why not! It took nearly six months to convince myself.

It was hard to get over the fact that I, a woman with a disability, too have sexual desires. My mother helps me with various chores at home so there was no way I could have not shared this with her. 

Seeking mom’s approval 

Eventually, I gathered the courage to talk to her about a vibrator. It was a Sunday evening and Mumma was in a good mood.  I started the conversation about my desires and then shifted it to sex and my sexual desires and asked her how should I satisfy myself. 

She was a little concerned about me having sex with a guy, so she recommended that I should maybe buy a sex toy. 

‘Can I really buy a sex toy?’ I blurted out immediately and she said yes. 

Search for the best one 

I began searching online for the one toy that will suit the best. It was a tough job because, being a person with a disability known as Cerebral Palsy (a condition that affects a person's ability to move and maintain balance and posture), I didn't know if I could hold on to the vibrator properly. 

I had a lot of questions while searching for the perfect one. I checked out various types of toys on various websites that made me more confused than ever. I couldn't choose a toy because I didn't think that I would be able to handle it.

I even had to take guidance from my younger cousin's sister, which was a little embarrassing but she was understanding and helpful to me. My best friend (a guy) also helped me a lot.

After many months of research, I finally found 'the one'. I found a sex toy that would be perfect to hold on to. 

Not turning me on

Once delivered, the toy sat perfectly in my hands and I was really happy about it. However, I didn't understand how to use it. 

I tried to put it on my sensitive parts and I could feel the vibration but it wasn't turning me on in any way. As the days went on, I tried to use different methods and tricks that could give me pleasure. I tried to use it in many ways but I didn't get turned on.

Run wild with imagination

When I talked to my best friend about it, he had just one piece of advice for me, ‘Let your imagination fly.' Just one piece of advice did a miracle for me, and it did happen. 

Not once, not twice but I had an orgasm multiple times. It felt good. It felt awesome. It felt like I was feeling the greatest pleasures of my life. I had never felt like this before.  

Why curb desires? 

Being a woman with a disability, we are often told by society to curb our desires. Society often considers us as a body that doesn't desire to love and to be loved. 

I have even heard people say that we don't deserve to be loved by someone else. I refuse to believe that, I believe that our body may be disabled but not our minds and hearts. 

So, dear society let me fly the way I want to in the sky of love and desires. I am now proud to say that with a vibrator coming into my life, I am feeling more physically and mentally independent than I ever was.

Person in the photo is a model. Names changed. 

Have a similar story? Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum. We are also on Instagram, YouTube and Twitter. 

About the author: Vinayana Khurana is pursuing M.Phil in English literature from Delhi University. She is a woman with Cerebral palsy but that is not her identity. She's a writer, a poet and a Comic Artist. You can reah her out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn

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