Should I have sex with my boyfriend?

By Auntyji Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 11:30
Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. Since a few days, we've been talking about having sex. We really want to do it, but I don't know how to have sex and I'm also scared of getting pregnant.

My friends say different things – some say do what your heart says, others say it's too early. Please help me, Auntyji! Maggie (17), Bangalore.

Auntyji says... O ho, one thing is clear beta, you are not impulsive and spontaneous like the two-minute instant Maggi noodles, hain na? You are a thinking sort of Maggie. Impressive.

See, this is what I love about you young people. You can be so cool and level-headed, so mature. I wish more adults could see that and some even learn from you.

So beta most importantly, you and your partner are talking. That is wonderful. At least you are in a position to speak about what you 'sexpect' from each other!

Sexpectations So, you wanna have sex, haan? OK, just get your reasons right. Your own reasons. Not your pals', gals', the entire neighbourhood's and their dog's reasons. It's your body and your relationship so YOU choose when to, how to, what to, where to and all the rest of it.

First time sex can be very daunting, hai na? “Will I get it right?” “What am I even supposed to do?” “Is this the right way?” “Will he/she like it?”“What if I can’t orgasm?” Endless questions, all of them justified. And no, I don't have instant answers to any of those.

Well, here is some Aunty-speak to help you think:

1. What’s the big rush? You want to do it? Go ahead, but if you are still thinking about whether or not – haan ya naa – then girl, hit the pause button for a bit. Wait till you have a clear haan. Yes, let it happen organically and slowly. Don't force it upon yourself. You get what I say?

2. Are you ready? Really? Being ready is not only about being physically ready, it is also about the space, the time, the emotional aspects and most underestimated, the consequences. Have you even seen his body and has he seen yours? Do you know how it feels to be nude in front of someone? What if you don’t expect a body part to look how it does? What if it turns out to be awful? Do you know how to use a condom properly? Do you know where they are available? Have you thought about all these questions? Really?

3. Real vs reel More often than not, a rushed intercourse in the back seat of a car or in the school bathroom may sound more exciting than it actually is. All I can say is, you could come away feeling, “Is that all? What's the big deal in this?”

Friends’ fundas Your friends may well have all their fundas a bit mixed up. I still have not been able to figure out why friends add all this pressure on each other, really. I mean it’s not as if they all have oh-my-God-it-was-amazing experiences to report. Why do they then egg you on to have sex, if you are not fully convinced yet?

It could be because they don’t feel that good about their own choices, and are sort of passing it on as baggage. Like, why don't you come on board too – we are one (un)happy lot of bored-with-sex-at-17 support group!Yeh dost better lost.

Slow down Sun meri Maggie, don't rush and don't take this unnecessary pressure from anyone. Do what comes to you, easily and naturally. Just get to know each other's bodies, desire, hopes and let things take their own course – and that need not be intercourse. Penetrative sex does not necessarily put you in the big league of sex or grown-ups or make you feel like you've arrived. You are sharing a personal, intimate, sweet, loving and respectful space with another person – that is very special too.

Most importantly, enjoy being together and keep the communication going.

Auntyji is sponsored by DKT.

Did you find this useful?

Add new comment


  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>