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My bf tracks everything I do

By Auntyji Friday, June 23, 2017 - 18:04
Auntyji, my bf is so nice and supportive, but he calls me so much. He always asks me so many questions – though he never stops me from doing anything I want. So I am a bit confused actually. Kaveri, 21, Chandigarh

Auntyji says... Pyaar ka chakkar! Never an easy one – let's sort some of the confusion, Kaveri

What’s confusing?

So beta, tell me, why you confused? Were you sure this is just fine, you wouldn’t be feeling this uncertainty, would you? So something is telling you that everything is not quite ‘kosher’, as they say. Read the writing on the wall, my dear!

‘Allowing’ you?

Kaveri, beta, the man never ‘stops you from doing anything’, but is that really his right anyway? Can he ‘stop you’ from, say, going to a film with your aunt? Is that his position? So then who is he to ‘allow you’ too?

The man feels and believes – as do many others like him – that if he is ‘allowing’ you, that is the mark of a great boyfriend. Let’s wipe that slate clean first. Not just the lad, you ladies too. Puttar ji, we are ‘allowed’ or ‘disallowed’ things largely in two circumstances: when we are kids or when we are in jail. Which one is it for you?

CCTV

It’s wonderful to be with a caring person. Someone who cares for your safety, maybe talks to you about how you can keep yourself secure when it’s appropriate – that’s sweet! But… if he asks you 100 questions a day – about your movements and who you met, ityadi – that is far from the same thing. In fact just the opposite.

The man is a real-time CCTV! Watching you closely, a stalker in sheep’s clothing! Not sweet at all. I am not saying he is going to be threatening you with a knife the next time you go to the mall – but perhaps he may well be at the mall because you didn’t pick up his 57th call of the day. You attend his calls – even when you are out with others, is that fair to them and you? Are you not ‘allowed’ any own time? Jailer sahib ka phone aaya?

Bear no more

Beta, I can fill pages with stories of controlling behaviour garbed in care and love. It’s very difficult to tell the difference – just as you can’t! Having to explain yourself, give a minute by minute account, a daily report – that’s is not love, it’s interrogation, it’s control.

Ask yourself first Kaveri, kya yehi pyaar hai? Bluntly put, it’s violence. It’s common. It has to stop. And it has to begin with two simple words from you: no more!

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

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Comments
If you are planning to stay friends in hope of a yes someday, it would be a good idea to keep your distance. A no means a no. Staying friends with someone while trying to make them feel guilty for not saying yes, is neither smart nor right. If someone doesn’t want to be with us, we can’t force them, can we? They have to be decide for themselves if they wanna be with you. We can’t make them say yes just because we love them, right? Be calm and respect her decision. If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Jeet Ahmed
Mon, 06/26/2017 - 17:36
The girl I proposed doesn't want me to break friendship. She has a guarded heart and lacks commitment. Should I wait for her to accept or move on?
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