Father hits daughter
Love Matters India

Papa hit me after finding out about my affair, help!

By Auntyji Friday, November 23, 2018 - 23:11
My father recently found out about my boyfriend and hit me. How do I handle this situation? Gitika, 19, Saharanpur.

Auntyji says, ‘Oh no! There is absolutely no excuse for violence Gitika – not from Papa or anyone else’.

Never lightly

Wasie to your Auntyji has a very good sense of humour about almost everything, but not this. Papa ko hua kya hai? No, he is not supposed to hit you, at all, under any circumstances. Bilkul nahin.  However angry he may be, he is not to hit or beat you or get physically abusive – that is absolutely not allowed. It is unethical, unjust and also illegal. Papa better knows this.

Much ado about nothing

Now the issue – he just found out about your boyfriend. Did he see something objectionable? No? Just that you have a boyfriend? So kaun sa gunaah ho gaya? He is your dad, maybe worried about you – I get that. But just having a boyfriend is no reason to lose your aapa, papa!

Bigger crimes

I tell you what I find funny here. Youngsters may tell lies, cheat, fight or even steal. If mummy or papa find out, at best you will get a big daant, a huge scolding and its over. But the minute you have a love liaison, or romantic feeling and ‘worse,’ sexual relationship basssss! Heavens come crashing with Daddy jis hands and fists.

Is having a boyfriend or a girlfriend worse than being a lying cheat, a bad and mean person, a liar, a small-time thief?  Woh chalega but being in love or attracted to someone that’s worse than all these pretty heinous behaviours?

If we can accept, ‘Oh all kids lie’, ‘Oh all kids cheat, fight’,  so well then, ‘Oh all kids have attractions too’. Why the overreaction then?

Bf to be BFF

Let’s see what we can do now Gitika. First, tell the boyfriend to cool off a bit – no landing up either at your house or college – keep a distance. No need to call ten times a day. And you too – please avoid calls when in a family company. Reduce texting etc. Just let the situation cool down a bit. Explain to your boyfriend. This is his time to support you fully, not make new demands.

Teaching daddy ji

Surely you have someone on your side in your family? Ma, Bua, Bhai, Behan, whoever can support you. Take their help and once Papa is calmer – have a family meeting. First, tell dear Papa – you have not done anything ‘wrong’ which is equal to ‘I have not had sex’. Assuage him. Assure him your studies won’t suffer and nor are you out to besmirch his name or fame or whatever that is.

Ask him to trust you. After all, he has only found out now – you may have been with this guy since last year or more. So you didn’t let the boyfriend come in the way, did you?

And finally, tell him never to hit you again. Tell him firmly and strongly. Tell him how humiliated that made you feel. Hitting you won't make you change your mind about your boyfriend but will surely distance you from your father. Does he want that? Neither do you. Tell him, you are young and have loads of things to think about.

There are no decisions yet and any you may make in the future would be taken sensibly and if he can trust you, in consultation with him and your Ma. Hitting, on the other hand, would only as I said before, make the Papa-beti relationship bitter. Be clear and confident without any rona dhona or guilt. Try Gitika – and don’t let him bully you. He is your dad not Hitler.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

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