*Mehak, 24, is an HR professional in Gurgaon.
Dating Mr. It
I knew Rahul since school time. He was the most popular guy in our vicinity. With exceptionally good looks, a tall and muscled physique, Rahul was no less than a movie star, who charmed his way into every girl’s heart. He was quite aware of this and even boasted of his long list of girlfriends. Yet all the girls fell for him, including my best friend *Monica.
I tried to persuade Monica not to date him because of his reputation but Rahul’s charm was far more persuasive than anything I could have said. To keep an eye on him and not give him the liberty to ditch my best friend, I started following him and became his gym companion. We started meeting quite often and ended up being quite pally.
A shoulder to lean on
As happened with all his past relationships, one day Rahul and Monica also broke up. Since Rahul was now single and I ‘available’, asking me out was his next obvious move. I knew him very well and even though I was aware that he would never take me seriously, I still couldn’t resist saying yes to him.
I grew up without my parents and in a hostel environment. I looked up to him for all my needs and found happiness in spending time with him. We talked about everything and in Rahul, I found the emotional support I was craving for since childhood.
I don’t remember when we became best of friends. I had all my firsts with him – my first kiss, my first date, my first ever movie with a boyfriend and of course my first act of love. He became the most special person in my life.
Dreaming of ever after
I used to live in Delhi and his college was in Noida. Every day, after my college, I used to take the metro to Noida just to be with him. He was a gym freak and motivated me to lose weight. So I joined a gym near my home and started focusing on my diet.
I soon lost 15 kgs and was busy planning for his 21st birthday, saving my pocket money. I booked a table for us at a nice restaurant. He made me feel really special that night. I was the happiest girl in the world and felt we had a real connection.
After this date, I befriended his mom on Facebook. I met her and then went shopping with his mom and called her up. I was living in this world of dreams where we would both get married and have a happily ever after. But did Rahul ever say he will marry me? Actually no. But in mind, I had already started thinking of his mother as my mom in law!
Hitting the bottom
After the initial excitement of our relationship, things began to become a bit weary, especially after, we had been close to each other physically a few times. He started blaming me for everything that went wrong in his life – his grades, his fights with parents and even his weight issues! Following this, he created many ‘rules’ for me – time for calling, days for meeting him, not talking to his friends and so on.
He started dominating and even insulting me. There were times when he would get so angry at me, shout at me and ask me to get down from his car in the middle of the road and leave. I always thought there was something wrong with me or with what I did and said sorry. I asked him to forgive me even when I was not at fault.
Despite everything that transpired between us, I could not think of Rahul in a negative way. I always compared Rahul to the men in my family, especially my dad, who used to physically abuse my mom. I used to tell myself, ‘At least mujhe maar to nahi raha.’
The make-up sex
I still remember the night he called it off. I was trying to call him for hours and he kept ignoring my calls. Ater tens of missed calls, he picked up the phone and just said, ‘I want to break-up.’ No explanation, no reason and then he just disconnected the call and switched off his phone.
I could not sleep the whole night and cried my eyes out. We were together for 1.5 years and it hurt to think that he will be gone just like that.
I did not want to let this happen so I showed up at his college the next day. He ignored me but I was firm. He took me to his room. I was so blinded by his love that I asked him to make love to me hoping he would not break-up with me.
We made love but after it was over, he told me, ‘Please wear your clothes and leave.’ He pushed me out of his home. I had no choice but to go home.
I did not eat for many days and fainted one day in college. I was taken to the emergency room and was hospitalised for two days. Rahul had the decency to come and visit me in the hospital. Seeing him after so many days, I went down on my knees saying sorry to him for no reason! What was his reaction? He was giggling and looking into his phone, probably talking to one of his new girlfriends.
It must have been love
Looking back, I realise, he treated me just as he had all the other girls before me – a short but intense romance, sweet talks and care, followed by boredom, fights and eventual break-up.
I found out that I was actually his 17th girlfriend! I also came to know from one of his ex-girlfriends that he was two-timing me and had already been dating another girl when he proposed to me.
I took to alcohol and used to call him up after getting drunk. I cried over the phone and begged him to take me back. I even asked my friends to call him and make him realise how much I missed him.
Because of my relationship with him, I was unable to trust any man for a very long time. My friends and a new job eventually helped me get over the mess. It took me three years and even though I can now laugh at myself, somewhere it does hurt a little bit, not because we broke up, but because of the way I was treated.
*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.