auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

How do I tell my partner I find all the love-dovey acts exhausting?

By Auntyji Friday, September 1, 2017 - 10:27
Hi Auntyji, my partner demands a lot of gestures of care and love and says it is important for our sexual intimacy. But I find them exhausting. Are they really that necessary?

Geet, 23 years, Indore

Auntyji says...Hello beta Geet! What a lovely name – no one can tell ki ladka or ladki ! Yet anyone can be in your situation! Let’s see kya kar saktein hain iss situation mein...

No one size that fits all

Beta, it is very true that many people still depend on signs of love as a proof or saboot of love. Chalo maan lete hain, you are all koochie-koo with your partner but in real life, you demean and abuse your companion. Toh phir what is the use of all the gestures and action? Hain jee? On the contrary, you may be a non-displayer when it comes to showing off love to your partner but yet deep inside, you adore your partner. So, no one size fits all beta, not in love ka maamla, for sure. Samjhe?

Different displays of love

So now let’s discuss the ‘demands’ angle. Is your partner really asking too much? Ek baat samajh, everyone reacts and responds differently to display of affection and not all ‘display’ is alike. There is one category of lovers who gently reaches out and touches their partner’s hand or covers them while crossing the road or even shows up with their favourite brand of coffee occasionally to reflect how much they love them. At the same time, there are other lovers who may not be holding their partner’s hands all the time or stick to them at the parties yet they still love them in the same way as the former.

Communicate, listen

Puttar ji, the most important question to ask yourself is - what does your partner want? If they like huge gestures of love but you are the ‘keep it down’ kind of person – we have an odd situation here. Yes? So you need that chat and perhaps you even need an inventory of dos and donts. Just communicate with your partner and clarify what all gestures made by you are ‘signs of love’. Please give some examples and ‘I am here aren’t I,’  is definitely not one of them!

Don’t forget to hear your partner out too on what they want and what exactly will make them feel good. Once you have things on the table, work out a middle path. You add an extra tadka, simmer down the expectations and then you guys can reach some sort of middle spot, which will undoubtedly a happier place to be in. Haina jee?

Love signs

Geet beta, some teeny tiny signs of love are really nice and sweet, I will say. They make the person feel valued and heighten their self-esteem. This, in turn, beta, really enriches your relationship and intimacy. Come think of it as an investment in your love life. The key to success is finding the right balance; where neither you nor your partner feels like a pressure cooker. The aim of all these love gestures is to make your partner feel extra special. And that’s what love is all about, is it not beta? Make your partner feel special, have faith in them, make them feel assured that someone in this room loves them, finds them smart and sexy; and make them have that instant feeling, "Hey, the person across the room maybe talking to many pals and mates but in some way is looking at me too!"

Chalte chalte, Happy wala World Sexual Health Day Geet! What sanyog! The mudda for this year’s WSHD (4 September) is also love, bonding, and intimacy. That’s a ‘sign,’ is it not, beta?

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

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