first time sex
Pexels/Anastasia Shuraeva/Persons in the picture are models.

Beginner’s note on first time sex

First time sex is a memory that lasts a lifetime. Whether you are going to cherish or perish at the thought will depend on how you much thought you put into it. Here are a few tips to ensure that you and your partner don’t stop talking about it ever!

  1. It takes two

You are ready to have sex with your partner and are looking forward to it, no doubt about it. But is your partner equally excited and ready to take the plunge? Consent is the key to a healthy sexual relationship. Your partner has the right and freedom to not have sex with you if they don’t want to. Sex should be about pleasure and never a duty. Assuming that your partner owes you sex not only disregards them but also makes the act less pleasurable for both of you.

   2. Plan the party

 Going with the flow is fine but it does not hurt to plan out the details. Find out what your partner may want. Does he/she likes soft music, dark room, flowers, a shower to precede etc and try to make it special. Check with your partner what they would like to do. Oral, anal, sixty-nine, sex without penetration -- communicate to your partner and most important; listen to their opinion too. Also, keep in mind that your partner may have fears in trying out various things at one go (given it’s their first time). So go slow to ensure you and partner are not too overwhelmed to enjoy the sex. Remember the aim is pleasure, not checking the we-did-it all-in-one-go box.

  3. Gloves - always on

The famous first-time bedroom discussion across cultures –

He: “Can we go without a condom?”  

She: “Eh, no I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He: “Just for one minute, please! Come on!”

This discussion is definitely a big turn-off for a woman, especially if it happens on her most memorable night when she is having sex for the first time. Do you want her to remember this argument instead of the pleasure? If your answer is no, then glove up without thinking twice!  The chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are equally high for both you and your partner, so pleading them to bareback even for a minute is harmful to both of you.

  4. Pleasure both ways

Communicating with your partner during sex is important to make sure that they are on the same page as you and that they are having fun as well. Often men unconsciously disregard women’s needs during sex. Entering your partner before she is ready or finishing before she is satisfied (and then not caring about her pleasure) are all too common scenarios in the bedroom. Healthy, passionate, fun sex is about pleasure of both partners.

  5. Accept your partner’s body

Size and looks could matter but not more than your partner’s acceptance. Hairy vagina, big penis, small breasts, hair on chest, and many other such points should not cause first sex grief. Some women groom their pubic hair for hygienic purposes. Other don't for infection fears. Similarly, many men want to wax off their chest hair, while others think they look more manly with a hairy chest! To each their own. Accept your partner as they are. However, if you still want your partner to do something the way you like it, then communicate. Ask them if they are comfortable in doing that for you. If they are, good enough. If not, completely their choice, respect that.

The persons in the picture are models.

What special things did you do for your partner when you first had sex? Share your stories with us in comments or on our Facebook page. If you have a personal question, please visit our discussion forum

Did you find this useful?

Add new comment


  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>