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Agh, my boyfriend is so messy! What should I do?

By Auntyji Tuesday, November 17, 2015 - 10:10
My boyfriend is cool but very messy. He gets into bed with his shoes on, hardly ever brushes his hair, wears filthy jeans. If I tell him, he either laughs it off or gets upset. What do I do? Kirti (22), Allahabad.

Auntyji says… Oh my Godddd, yeh kaun hai maila kuchela! Betaaa, you need soap and shampoo, tons of it!

I agree, while all this may seem sort of funny, it can be very frustrating. I can almost see you cleaning up after him all the time – sweeping, dusting, mopping and then moping!

There are many people who do this actually. Yes, it can get very annoying and frankly, very physically tiring too. I am very sure you have had a talk with him already. Perhaps you may want to try some of these points and see how it goes.

Weigh out positives

Just to digress a bit, perhaps a good idea is to prep beforehand. So beta, for your own sake, make a list. What does he do really well? Yes, you can add kissing if you want, but what does he take care of? Laundry? Cleaning kitchen? Making tea each time? Pressing clothes? Achcha kya karta hai?

Kirti, this will help you evaluate your own understanding of him as well. For you to double check if you are sure of your own feelings too… Take a little ‘10 things I love about you’ quiz. It does help put the stuff you don’t much care about in perspective. So, do that first.

What works, what doesn’t

Then on a particular day, not when you are absolutely furious but, when you have enough examples to show, sit him down and ask to have a serious talk. Bring up the results of the quiz areas of excellence first and then open the other list in brief.

Tell him why his behaviour upsets you. Tell him what you want and need his help with. Explain with examples! Tell him you get tired of cleaning up and of telling him that. No girl wants to be a nag, so how and why does she become one?

If you are physically exhausted, where will you find the energy to go out, grab a movie, get some sex, watch a play, go for a walk, attend office? And before he knows it, all the fun aspects of your relationship are covered under piles of dust and clutter.

Under the hammer

Kirti, some people are messier than others and some are just too clean, and both are difficult sorts of folks. But we do make an effort na jee, to make the other easy and comfy?

BUT, do NOT relent on the personal hygiene. A total put off, an utter embarrassment. He can’t be so lazy and disrespectful that even if he smells and dresses yuck, you are supposed to look forward to be intimate with him.

Hell no! You know, I have a friend who has a dog with an ear infection. No one goes to her house anymore. And when we tell her why, she takes great offence. But how about taking the dog to the vet?! Smelly is not sexy!

You’re not a doormat

And finally, please don’t be the martyr and think, “So what? After all, I am his gf, naa?” Phuleezz! That only suits ‘Mein tulsi tere aagnan ki.’ Because you will get exhausted and one day all the love and fun you have together would get poofed away by dust and you won’t even know.

Don’t become someone you are not and please don’t feel guilty about getting him to contribute in keeping himself and the environment pleasant!


Remember Kirti, disregard for personal and spatial cleanliness is actually a disregard for you and your feelings, is it not? Even if he wants to pose himself as the bedraggled, unconventional, anti-society young man, messy is not sexy. So please don’t get swept away by that line or else be ready to sweep away… all day!

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the picture is a model.

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