Auntyji says…Idhaar aa meri beti, come here and let me give you a very big hug – from my side and each one of us at Love Matters India. Betiya, thanking you for writing to us and sharing your friend’s experience. Please pass on our support and love to your pyaari saheli.
Nothing right about it
Beta, female genital cutting (FGC) is practised worldwide with young women and girls belonging to particular communities. A part of their clitoris is cut largely in the name of religion or to curb their sexuality. FGC, cutting of clitoris or Khatna is condemned in more than forty countries worldwide. It has also been recognised as a violation of human rights of girls and women.
Betaji, no surprise that your friend wants to forget about it. The memory can be very traumatising. Especially now, when she has grown up and realises what has been done to her body – without her consent - when she was just a little child. Give her a BIG jhapii from our behalf too for sharing her story.
Reaching out
Let’s start answering your question. Can something be done about the circumcision of her clitoris? The haram ki boti as it is graphically referred to. Perhaps not. Unless she opts for corrective plastic surgery. Uske bare mein beta Sara, we are not so sure.
What she can do now is seek counselling from a capable counsellor. If there is any trauma, the counsellor will be able to address it. There is absolutely no shame in going for counselling or talking about it to someone. It will help your friend in reconciling and finding meaningful relationships.
If you want to share your story on female genital cutting or get in touch with someone working actively on this matter, visit our friends at Sahiyo now!
Miss messiah
Sara, encourage your friend to discover herself, her feelings and not hide away from friends and relationships. If she feels attracted to someone, encourage her to follow it. Encourage her to talk to whoever she is keen on speaking to. I hope you are also encouraging your friend to talk about how her body reacts and how she is able to find joy and pleasure with her partner.
Beta, chahe kum hi sahi, she can very well be a sweet and young messiah for many other girls who have experienced this. Not just young girls but also mothers of these young girls. By sharing her own experience, she can educate and inform them against this practice.
Watch this video and join our campaign #NoMore Khatna!
Control mechanisms
The logic given to justify FGC is that cutting the clitoris off will control the sexual urge in a girl. Is all the sexual urge sitting inside a small piece of flesh? What about love, mind, feelings and emotions? Men get circumcised too. It is often openly talked about unlike FGC. It is even celebrated. Does it ensure control over his sexuality? Does it control his urges too?
Nahin! No need for that. A man must have urges but a woman must cut her urges off. Wah wah! Why this injustice and inequality? If a child falls down and hurts himself, entire mohalla will run to offer him solace and solution. On the other hand, mothers and grandmothers are walking young girls to shady rooms to fulfil what has been hammered as a religious obligation, really?
No God is so cruel to use such methods to try and control a girls’ body or her sexuality in such a way.
Shame ought to be felt by those who allow this practice to remain and reoccur under the garb of religion.
Friends forever
Sara beta, you must really be a special girl that your friend shared her feelings and her experience with you. You could help her to see a counsellor, seek friends, form loving and respectful relationships in her life and be her voice – even if it is quiet and private.
Young and powerful girls like you must trigger a movement and reverberate the one point agenda of no more Khatna. Biggest hugs to you both ladkis, soni kuddis!
Read more about female genital cutting here!
To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.
Have you heard of female genital cutting or Khatna? Write your experiences in comments or share them on Facebook. If you have a question, please visit our discussion forum.