Preeti, a person with a disability, is a student at Delhi University.
The first touch
It must have been last year when my boyfriend tried to make out with me. It was a very brief encounter, the details of which I vividly remember. He touched my breasts, and my stomach after kissing me hard on my lips.
I had so many sensations that I have never felt before. Though we just made out for a couple of minutes and he left, I had the sudden desire to touch myself too!
It was then that I started my journey to discover myself, sexually.
Not a good-girl thing?
I always thought that touching my body is something to be ashamed of. It’s not what good girls do, I thought. I felt like I was doing a bad thing but somewhere I felt the need of playing sexually with my body.
I was really ashamed. I thought I should research this on the internet. I did and what I found out was a mix of erotic yet porn stuff. But when I narrowed down my search on how to pleasure myself, I found an article about the ‘magic love button’ in a woman called the clitoris, which gives pleasure to women.
Finding my own clit
That night, I touched myself with my fingers and started going deep. I tried to touch my vagina everywhere, with a clitoris diagram in front of me! After many hits and trials, a spot where I touched felt super sensitive and I just couldn't stop stroking it - bingo! I had found my clitoris it seemed.
I felt all kinds of sensations all over the body. I have never felt like this before. I felt turned on. Though my physical disability made my muscles all over the body tight and I was also in a bit of pain, the pleasure was too much to ignore. I didn't want to let go of it.
Feeling guilty of pleasure
When I felt this pleasure for the first time, I felt guilty. I questioned myself if it was right to feel this kind of pleasure? As a woman with a disability, we are often told that we are not capable of doing certain things in life. One of them is having sex or feeling sexual pleasure. I was feeling guilty about this pleasure for a long time now. I didn't know how to get over my guilt.
Talking about my pleasure
There is a friend of mine, with whom I can talk about anything. I had a deep conversation with her about sexuality and pleasure. I also told her about feeling guilty about sexual pleasure. She told me how we as women have always been a pleasurable thing to men. We don't have any control over our pleasure.
As a woman, I'm establishing control over my body. After a year of self-discovery, I feel more confident about myself. I feel happy and satisfied. I love myself and my body.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.
Have a story on female pleasure? Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum. We are also on Instagram, YouTube and Twitter.
Aunty ji me apni 22 sala…
Beta sex ki ichha hona bohot…
Add new comment