Aunty ji
Love Matters India

Can gay couples have kids?

By Auntyji Friday, July 13, 2018 - 18:03
I am a gay man. I can’t get married but I love kids. Can I adopt? Kadam, 26, Darjeeling

Not so straightforward

Gay you are – and kids you love.  You are a single man and what your sexuality is ought not to be of any body’s concern – so you can adopt as a single parent. Applies to you as a man, and any lesbian woman too.  Pretty much that in a nutshell. Now comes the tough part. Is it going to be easy – no. More so for a gay person, double no.

Good that you are dumping the crazy and rather simplistic idea of let me marry a woman and then adopt – don’t even go there. Adoption laws allow single parents to adopt and that’s that.

The ‘what ifs’

Let’s begin with what if your sexuality does emerge. Can it cause concerns or further difficulties in you adopting? Yes, of course. You may get odd heads who do not understand being a single parent and may not approve of your sexuality. Can that be an impediment?, Yes. that will be tough to handle.

Have you thought of a backup plan? For sure the ‘when will you get married’, (after all you are just 26) questions will arise. Your empathic and well thought through, ‘not going to marry’ , may well not go down with a great seriousness with the (possibly) traditional concept of ‘family’ and parenthood.  How do you plan to deal with that?

Thought through decisions

It may be worthy of doing some introspection though – how do you plan on countering the age-old questions that are bound to come your and your family way?  Kadam, puttar, gay or not gay, single parenthood is a tough business, there is a lot to consider. Then the sexuality angle – harder still.

I will also add, you are only 26.  You may want to study, travel, go out of the country, get married to a man you fall in love with… how will a baby cope? How will you cope? What about your extended family – how will they cope?

I am hoping they know that you are gay and taking this step seeped in responsibility not just for yourself but for them too. Eg: the next best babysitter – your own mom or dad or sibling... how well prepared are they with the neighbourhood questions of ‘yeh kiska baccha hai’ or the eternal question of why does Kadam have a kid and not a wife? Will they be able to cope with all these issues? Will you, will the kid do same?

No child’s play

I have realised one thing beta ji, having kids is a very adult business, not a bacchon ka khel. So let's be very sure why we are getting one and how it is going to be welcomed into your world. I suggest you better have a plan in place and all your ducks in a row. Otherwise don’t do it, gay, lesbian, straight, man woman, trans...does not matter. Child and its life in your world does. Get ready.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

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