- …take your time
While giving birth, a woman's vagina and perineum can get injured or even cut by the surgeon, for example with an episiotomy. There may be stitches or wounds that need time to heal. For the new mother, these wounds can cause discomfort and even bad pain when making love.
To give your body time to heal, doctors say you should wait four to six weeks after delivery before having sex again. But every woman is different, and if you don't feel ready to try yet, take your time and don't rush into something you aren't ready to do.
- … be intimate
The fact that you just had a baby and you shouldn't be having sex doesn't mean you can't be intimate with your partner. Even if you are tired, you can still cuddle, or stroke and caress each other's bodies. You can also masturbate each other or give your partner oral sex. Be careful though: a woman should not have oral sex done on her right after birth! There is a chance of infection until all tissue has healed properly!
Being intimate can be important after having a baby. With everything revolving around the child, a relationship can get neglected. A bit of intimacy at the right time can help prevent that and make you feel close to your partner!
- … get involved
For new fathers, the situation can be a bit puzzling. They often don't quite know how to best approach their partners about wanting to have sex again. The new mother may seem to have so many things on her mind that you don't know how to make your needs heard. Your best bet is to simply get involved. Be there for her when she needs help. Offer to watch the baby so she can shower and take a nap. She will be grateful for that. And, for many women, having the father of the child be an active part in the daily responsibilities is super sexy.
And get her out of the house. Just a walk in the park or a lunch out to take her away from home might be all she needs to feel a bit relaxed and connected to you.
Finally: let her know that you still find her attractive. Many women struggle with their bodies and self-esteem after giving birth, and might be scared to show themselves to their partner. So be supportive and let her know she is beautiful to you.
- … push yourself
Many women experience changes in their body after giving birth. Some of these changes can affect your sex life.
Vaginal dryness for example. Lots of extra lubrication can help with that and make sex less uncomfortable.
But there can be other reasons why you don't want to have sex yet. Some women experience so-called post-partum depression after having a baby. The changing hormonal levels are like a roller-coaster ride for your body and may leave you feeling sad and depressed. And that affects your sex drive!
Or you are just tired and burned out. Or you just don't feel ready. Or your partner doesn't feel ready.
Whatever the reasons may be: don't push it, give yourselves and your body the time you need!
- … be afraid of telling your partner what you want and need
Don't expect your partner to just understand what's going on with you. Many things have changed and it may be difficult to understand all of them straight away. Men might not realise that breasts can be tender and need much more sensitive touch than usual. And a woman may not understand that her partner feels uncomfortable initiating sex again after witnessing childbirth.
As with every issue in a relationship, talking about it and being honest is the best way to go. Tell your partner what you want and need from them at this moment. And ask what he or she needs.
And then, try together. Don't be afraid to admit something isn't working. Take it lightly and try something else. It's up to you to decide what works and what doesn't.
- … worry if something unexpected happened
Alongside the vaginal dryness, a whole lot of other unexpected things can happen once you start having sex again.
It's not unusual to have some urine leaking, because your pelvic floor muscles aren't back in shape yet. Doing Kegel exercises can help.
Pain in and around your vagina is also possible. Try having your partner go super slow, or not entering your vagina fully at first. And, use lubrication.
Spontaneous milk squirts can also happen. It can help to feed your baby before sex; which has the added benefit of a low chance of getting disturbed, as well!
On a much more positive note, many women experience more pleasure after giving birth. Multiple or more intense orgasms are common. That sounds like a pretty good reason to start trying again, doesn't it?
If you've got more tips to share with other readers, do go ahead and leave a comment below or start a thread or Facebook.