Unmarried and scared to go to the gynae, help!
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Unmarried and scared to go to the gynae, help!

By Auntyji Thursday, December 13, 2018 - 12:34
Hi Aunty ji, I recently went to a gynecologist (female doctor) for exploring contraceptive options and the first question she asked me was – are you married? I felt really embarrassed. How should I deal with such a situation in the future? Shristi, 21, Gurgaon.

Auntyji says, ‘Oh ho... one more gynecologist story emerges…’

Its called sex, doc

Sometimes I feel the gynaecs have missed the memo. Girls have sex – without marriage. I wonder if they have a class on sex in their medical college – or do they directly skip to the prajannan and pregnancy chapters! And seems like that’s what happened with your gynaec too.

A common presumption is that women cannot have sex unless married to a man, and definitely not ask for a contraceptive device.

Sex is equal to marriage

Unfortunately, the act of sex is still seen through a post-marriage lens. And care providers are very much a part of the system. People assume that you will be a ‘virginal’ white lily till you marry.

And like someone said to me, a girl will gift her most ‘anmol rattan’ (virginity) to her husband on her wedding night. That got me thinking, what’s the male version of ‘anmol rattan’? Hehe, just kidding puttarji!

Moral police at large

So beta Shirsiti, if you feel that your gynaec is more worried about your virginity and morals than your health, just don’t bother. This gynaec is not the only one in town Shristi and frankly, can we even begin to entirely blame the doctor?

Sometime, in the defense of the gynaecs – may I add something? It is quite possible that she has not been trained or exposed to this sort of thought process. Maybe she is asking you all these questions to improve and adapt her service to you?

Maybe she wants to be sure of what she offers to you – wrapped up in her own morals and language? For eg: If you have a vaginal infection of any kind when you are sexually active, she may prescribe you a different treatment as compared to what she will prescribe if you have not had sex.

And instead of asking whether you are sexually active, she may ask: are you married? Maybe she knows no different, was taught no other way? So give her a benefit of doubt too sometimes.

More to come

Perhaps puttar ji, this is the time to cease the moment and ‘educate’ the doctor – an unwilling recipient maybe. But have yourself heard before you feel upset. Ask her why she needs the information. And if you feel that the information is needed for her advice and service to you, tell her. If not, just politely decline.  

You don't owe anyone a litany of your sexual life. That’s yours to share or not. You can also choose a ‘progressive’ doctor, ask your pals – find someone who ‘gets it’.  

The ‘fit bit’ in this is – get fit. Irrespective of who you have sex with, how many times in the day or night and with what gender, must not come in the way of your seeking and accessing health services. It is your body and it's entirely your right.  OK Miss World - I mean, Shrishti puttar!

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models. This article was first published on Oct 18, 2018. 

Have you had an uncomfortable experience when seeking a service related to your sexual health? Comment below or share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

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नमस्ते आँटी जी, आँटी जी मेरी पत्नी को ओरल सेक्स नही पसंद जबकि मुझे बहुत अच्छा लगता है, और मेरी पत्नी तयार नही होती करने के लिए, क्या करूँ कुछ उपाय बताए प्लीज़,
नमस्ते बेटे, अब क्या स्थिति है? बेटा ये समझ लो कि किसी भी sexual activity के लिए दोनों partners कि बराबर मर्ज़ी का होना बेहद ज़रूरी है। सो यदि वो ऐसा करने से इन्कार कर भी रही है तो आपको उनकी इच्छा का सम्मान करना चाहिए इसलिए ज़रा इस ओर से ध्यान हटा कर अपने रिश्ते मे और सुन्दर चिज़े ढूंढिए और इसे और सुन्दर बनाए ok? https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/ways-to-make-love/oral-sex-ecstasy-or-disgust यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तो हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, " जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों. https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Ab kya sthiti hai bete? Bina condom ke sex karna apne aap mein ek safe idea bilkul bhee nahi hai. Isse anchahe garbh ke saath kai youn rog hone kaa bhi khatra ho sakta hai. Lekin jahan tak HIV ki baat hai toh yadi jis viykati ke saath aap unsafe sex kar rahe hain use HIV Positive hai toh HIV hone ki sambhavna hai. Duniya bhar mein sabse adhik HIV casess, sex ke zariye hue hain.Lekin HIV aur bhi kai asurakshit karano se hota hai.So! Zara detail mein yeh niche diya hua link padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/hiv https://lovematters.in/hi/safe-sex/stdsstis/hivaids-top-five-facts Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Maine kal gf ke saath sex kiya pahli baar tha hum dono ka do baar dala but maal bahar nikal diya tha aaj use ulti type ka lag raha hai koi problem hai kya?
Ab kya sthiti hai bete? Dekhiye yeh ek bohot badi mithya hai ki sperm bahar nikalne se garbhdharn nahi hota hai kyunki pregnant hone ke liye ek shukranu bhi bohot kaafi hota hai. Yeh bhi padh lijiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/news/10-most-common-contraception-myths https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/unplanned-pregnancy Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Beta sex ki ichha hona bohot hi common hai, lekin iska matlab yeh nahi hai ki aap apni bahan ka shosan Karen. Lekin yeh sab ideas aap sabko aate kahan se hai? Actually aap logon ko shayed lagta ho ki kyunki yeh sab cheezein porn filmo mein bahut common hai, so yahi kar leeya jaye!! Yeh bahut hee bekaar idea hai aur aap dono apne mann se nikaal deejiye aur yeh jaan leejiye ki ye sirf ek ghinoni harkat hai jo ki aapki aur aapki sister ke poori zindigi pe asar kar saktee hai, Aap dono apna chintan swasth kaijiye!! Aur ise padhiye: https://lovematters.in/en/news/i-am-attracted-my-sister Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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