Talking about sex

Talking about sex can make lovemaking a lot better for both partners, and improve your relationship too. So it’s worth plucking up courage. Remember that your partner is probably just as nervous as you!

Never feel that you have to have sex with your partner. It’s a decision you discuss and make together. If you just enjoy holding hands, that’s fine. Don’t feel pressured – and don’t pressure your partner.

If you’ve decided to start making love, or just want to start talking about sex with your current partner, here is a basic guide to help you along the way.

Talking about what you want

Do you think you know what the other person likes? Be careful, there’s a good chance you’ve got it wrong. So talk about what you want and ask what the other person wants. You can do it before or after you have sex, but also during your lovemaking. You might find it hard to talk, but it prevents a lot of trouble and makes the sex a lot better.

Make a game of it

It can be a real turn on to tell each other what you like. You can play a game where you write down on pieces of paper what you’d like to do with your partner or what your fantasies are. You then take it in turns to pull out a piece of paper and then carry out the instructions.

Does it feel good?

Kissing, caressing, having sex… whatever you do, your first check is: does it feel good? Do you like it? Does it turn you on? Do you feel happy about it? Then carry on. As long as it feels good and you’re happy about it, it’s OK.

And if you don’t like what’s happening or the way your partner’s touching you? There’s only one solution – say so, however awkward you might find it. If you don’t say anything, nothing will change. So just try.

What does the other person want?

Do you know what your partner likes? Sometimes you can tell – you can feel it or see it. But sometimes you can’t. If you’re not sure, ask. Find out together how you can enjoy sex together.

Things that make sex good

• If you’re in love with someone, there’s a good chance you’ll like them touching you. But just because you’re in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex with them.
• Pick the right place to make love. If you know you could be disturbed, you probably won’t enjoy your partner’s lovemaking as much.
• Try different things out, so you discover what you both like.
• Do you feel like making love? If you’re not feeling well, perhaps with a headache or a cold, you probably won’t feel like making love in the way you do when you feel healthy.
• Make sure you have safe sex, so you don’t need to worry about catching a sexually transmitted disease or getting pregnant.
   

• Try different things out, so you discover what you both like.
• Do you feel like making love? If you’re not feeling well, perhaps with a headache or a cold, you probably won’t feel like making love in the way you do when you feel healthy.

No means no

Some men still think there are women who mean yes when they say no. They’re wrong. No simply means no. And every woman or man has the right to say no at any time, whether you’ve still got your clothes on or you’re completely naked.

If you do something that a woman doesn’t want, it’s never because ‘she was asking for it’. A good lover only does what both partners feel happy about and enjoy.

A sex partner who doesn’t respect your wishes if you say ‘no’ isn’t worthy of you.