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Is it weird to be bisexual?

By Auntyji Tuesday, February 18, 2014 - 10:51
Auntyji, I've had relationships with girls all along. But lately I am attracted to a male classmate. We have even flirted a bit. What’s happening? I don’t think I'm gay because I like girls too. Am I bisexual? Is that weird? Help! Prasoon (21), Pune.

Auntyji says... ok, frankly and honestly, my dear beta Prasoon, no this is not weird. You are not weird and you are not alone. Take a deep breath and bilkul relax. Indeed, coming face to face with different facets of one's sexuality is very hard, very challenging. To begin with please know that you are not alone beta, not at all. So there's no question of it being weird, ok?

It is indeed very hard to understand or grapple with bisexuality – often people think bisexuals are trying to get the better of both worlds, that they are trying to keep their options open and many other such, may I say, discriminatory aspersions. None of them are true.

PrejudicedRight, Prasoon, you may be bisexual. And you may be beginning to feel it, recognise it. Fine – earlier the better. Do not feel alone or lonely in this place Prasoon, many people experiment, if i may use that word, with bisexuality in the course of their lives.

Generally people do not understand bisexuality and thus there is tremendous prejudice against it. Beta, let me share some of the more commonly associated myths around this and perhaps some of them may shed some clarity as well as assuage you that there is certainly no need for you to worry or be alarmed.

Not a phaseBisexual people are seen as 'work in progress', as if they are going through a phase of making up their mind about who they are – homo- or heterosexual. You may be neither and that is fine.

Bisexuality is not a phase one goes through, though one may be attracted to either of the genders or both at one time. It certainly does not mean your sexual orientation needs to be 'fixed' or that you will finally reach some place – you have already arrived!

Non-gendered choiceJust because bisexual people have the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, does not mean they are non-monogamous, or essentially promiscuous. They can be in as loving and supportive relationships as anyone else.

In fact you can say that bi people are not really attracted to the gender but rather to the person in that gender at that time – now is that not a refreshing change? Like, I dig Sanjeev and he happens to be a boy and at another time, I like Sneh and she happens to be a girl.

Bottom line, I like Sanjeev and Sneh, not their genders – just like any other person out there who hooks up with many partners, of the same or other gender. So why are bisexuals any different jee?

'Freaked out'It's so funny – just a few years ago, everyone was so freaked out about being or knowing homosexual people, and now they are equally freaked out about bisexual people, almost as if homosexuality is just common and passé now.

If that's the case, well, we have changed a lot then, have we not...? There's a certain level of acceptance of homosexuality, should we dare say?

Open the closetWhoever you choose to be involved with, just check that you are not hurting or harming anyone else or yourself in the process. Now, does that not apply to every relationship in this world? So bisexual relationships aren't any different after all?

The discriminatory assumption that all bisexual people are just looking for a good time, are non-serious, are ready for a threesome always, or are just pretending to be so etc. are exactly the reasons why it is so difficult for bisexual people to come out or accept their sexual orientation.

Beta Prasoon, now don’t worry, please. You work out whatever is going on in your head – just know that in our heart, you are the sweet, honest young man that you are and that is what matters to people you know and those who really know you. Go do your stuff and find your mojo!

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