Being bisexual in India
Stuart Jenner

'I realised I felt attracted to men and women'

By Roli Mahajan Monday, February 17, 2014 - 11:51
I was 18 when my fiancé left for studying abroad. Our long-distance relationship was going steady when I met this girl. I bonded with her instantly. One thing led to another and we began kissing. I wondered how I could be attracted to this girl, when I was still attracted to my fiancé?

Ehmaq (28) is a Development Professional in Delhi.

I was in my third year when I met this girl. We bonded instantly. We would hang out with each other a lot and I am not sure what led to what but one day we kissed. The bizarre thing was that I was still in a healthy physical relationship with a guy and here I was enjoying a kiss with a girl.

I mean, it didn’t feel awkward but natural to kiss her and I guess she felt the same. Up until that day, neither of us had ever thought about girls in a sexual way and we had both had boyfriends in the past.

Morning after confusionThe experience was fun, depressing, confusing and pleasurable at the same time. We felt the physical urge to want to touch each other but we didn’t how. We had to see lesbian porn to actually figure out what happens but it was so over-the-top! On the contrary, we decided to make our first time soft, gentle and right.

It’s just that the morning after was awkward. Overnight we had changed, from being girls who enjoyed sex with men to girls who like sex with each other too. We did what happens in any relationship: we stayed in denial for a bit, only to realise later that our need to be together was greater.

‘Hurtful’ reactionsSometimes I would have hickies on my body from making love to her. Since my fiancé wasn’t around, my friends soon began to suspect that I was seeing someone else. When they found out that I was seeing a girl, they reacted hurtfully.

I wanted them to understand, to help me understand and all they did was ignore my sexuality. They thought I was exploring my options and that I would eventually settle on one, once I was mature enough.

My sister told me, “You haven’t found the right person of the right gender.” People close to me became strangers. For them my interest in men was fine, but attraction towards women was just not acceptable.

Accepting bisexualityI was leading two parallel lives – I’d hang out with my friends on one plane and with the woman in my life on another. Needless to say that things with my fiancé didn’t work out. In order to understand myself better, I turned to Google to find answers. I realised there were other people like myself. I met other bisexual people and even polysexuals as the LGBTQ movement was growing.

I have now come to terms with my sexuality. I think it’s okay for me to fall for anyone, any person. Their gender is not a barrier for me, instead it adds to their appeal. I don’t care what people think about me. I feel liberated that I understand myself better. I feel glad that I am part of the community that’s slowly but steadily coming out in the open.

The woman in the picture is not Ehmaq.

What do you think? Is it okay for Ehmaq to be sexually attracted men as well as women? Share your thoughts and views by commenting below or via Facebook.

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