Am I lesbian? I am so confused and upset. What if it's true? Please guide me. Manjari (19), Salem
Auntyji says... Oh my dear betaji, ruk ja ek minit! I can almost feel your tension in this e-mail. Manjari beta, take a deep breath and relax...
Chalo, let’s take the ‘worst case scenario’, as you're seeing it – you are lesbian. Hold that thought for a second. So what? Ki hoya?
Are you not a lovely girl? Mummy di laadli, papa’s darling, a good friend, a lovable sister, maybe a singer, an athlete, actor or a volunteer? Don't you play all these roles too? So what if you are lesbian? First of all, you are everyone's dear Manjari and everyone loves you for who you are in entirety. Samjhee?
Bitiya, for many people sexuality is not something cast in stone. It is actually something that can be in flux – it can change. And let me assure you, you are not the only young woman struggling with this issue. There may be hundreds of girls reading this and saying, “Thanks, Manjari.”
Maybe, maybe not Yes, you could be lesbian or you could not. You may well have a real crush on this girl and that’s really OK. Many of us go through life loving a person of the same gender, even idolising them, but that does not mean it defines our sexual identity. There is a difference in loving someone and loving someone romantically.
And equally, you may be going through a period in which you are realising that you like women more than men – not just as persons to hang out with, but also sexually, romantically. You may discover that now, or it may take a lifetime. Either way, Manjari, it's OK.
It's all fine Also, you may find that as of now, you feel attracted – in every way, even sexually – to this girl. That's fine. It may stay, or it may go. That's also fine. You may also find you are exploring an identity within being a young woman and being heterosexual. This is fine too.
The important part is that you understand there is nothing wrong, bad or terrible about you. Your sexuality isn't your only identity. You are a lovely, unique combination of so many different identities and qualities, attributes and virtues. Don’t let all that be clouded by your sexual identity, theek hai?
Know yourself And now to your friend, who is so like you. Beta, abhi we toh don’t know what's going on in her mind. She may be struggling with the same ideas. She may have a heart attack when she hears the L-word or she may take it really cool. Either way, have no expectations and be mindful of losing her as a friend.
So bitiya, talk to someone – even if it is online or on a helpline. If not now, whenever you are ready. It will help you clarify your doubts. Just choose your resource wisely. Remember, your Auntyji is always here to help you out.
Beta, enjoy yourself, have fun and be safe. Things will fall into place and you will be able to find your spot in this huge universe. And till then, bilkul chillax! Get to know yourself better, when you like and when the time is right. Auntyji is sponsored by DKT.