Aunty ji
Love Matters India

I am teased for being too girly, help!

By Auntyji Thursday, June 21, 2018 - 11:18
I am a 17-year-old boy and people tease me for my mannerisms, calling me a girl. Please help. Ankush, 17, Chennai

Auntyji says, ‘Oh no  – that can be terrible for you. Let’s see what you can do and what others ought not to do.’

Mean machines

Ankush – do you think you have mannerisms – ‘like a girl’? Wel,l so what? It’s a part of you – is it not?  That’s the kind of person you are and yes you may seem ‘girl like’ – whatever that is. Now the problem is – you are getting teased and actually, bullied.

Beta ab what to say about your age group ke bachche. They can be very mean, actually rather cruel too. Instead of understanding that you may be going through a difficult time, they are attacking you and making you feel bad.

Like a girl – be a man

Wasie, what I cannot understand is why is, ‘like a girl’, is such a bad thing anyhow? So what if anyone is ‘like a girl’. Is that something to be ashamed of? Is that something to feel small about – I don’t think so at all.

By that logic the same should apply to ‘don’t behave like a boy’ and what would those attributes be – fighting, being aggressive, being loud and argumentative?

If bullying is an act of boys – do we really want to say, ‘be a man’ to anyone – even a man? If there are no defining behaviours for boys, how can there be for girls?

Stand up for your rights

So now comes the Face Off.  Feel free to substitute with any other F*word! The only way to stand up to a bully – is to Stand Up! The next time this bunch of fools begins to say stuff, you stand straight and upright - literally and figuratively! Look at them and tell them, ‘Stop It’! They won’t.

They will make bigger fun and continue. You know why? Because they are many and you are alone. Tell them again. And then with all your dignity intact – walk away. Your job is done!

Keep a safe distance and do not let them get under your skin. Don’t engage with them. Don’t mix with them. You dump them because they don’t deserve you Ankush puttar. They will still do what they are doing. Bullies hardly know when to stop.  They have to be ignored or ‘put in their place’.

Seek support

But, the minute it gets too much for you or the minute you feel threatened – go to your school authorities and complain. No tears, no crying, no victimhood type of behaviour – just a statement of facts. These days school authorities are supposed to take very strong and immediate action on any kind of bullying – be it on class, caste, gender, sexual orientation. It’s just not allowed.

Also, do talk to your family as well, beta – keep them informed. This may not solve your problem. In fact beta, It may even get worse. Sorry for this alarm – but better you hear it here. All the more reason beta, you have to prep up – maybe the first test of your life.

What you do not have to do – is try and change yourself and try to be more ‘manly’. What is that anyways – like your bully pals? Is that manly? Do you really want to be like that? Does anyone? Just be yourself.

Remember – you need not put up with any of this nonsense. Because that’s what it is – utter nonsense. Be safe Ankush and be strong, be firm – like a girl!

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

Have you also faced bullying because of how you look or express yourself? Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

Comments
Having read this I thought it was really enlightening. I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this short article together. I once again find myself personally spending a significant amount of time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worth it!
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