Love Matters

Should I feel guilty after an abortion?

By Auntyji Wednesday, September 16, 2020 - 12:33
My girlfriend and I opted for an abortion. We weren’t ready to have a child. But now we feel guilty about the whole thing. Was our decision wrong? Ravi (22), Bhopal.

Auntyji says… Oh dearrrr betaaaa... I’m so sorry to hear about your state of mind... your’s and your girlfriend’s... Ok, come on, now let’s talk… about many things!

Sabse pehle beta, how is your gf? Is she recuperating ok? I hope you chose a safe, registered centre for the abortion. I am well aware of how difficult this can be... And by the way, you are not the only ones experiencing this difficult situation. There are many young people like you.

So to begin with, you are so young, of course you are not ready to have a baby. You would have to manage a lot before that – get married for example, if you want to have the baby and be socially accepted. Moreover, there are other people involved – mummy and daddy, for example. So what you did was perhaps the most sensible thing to do. So please, just relax, both of you.

This article is part of Love Matters' campaign to bust myths on abortion #BustTheMyths. Campaign 28th September run together with WGNRR.


Double trouble

What always intrigues me is why exactly we feel the guilt, who or what makes us feel that? Why do we ought to be feeling bad about what we have done? Kaun hai woh gustakh? Aisa kya kar diya?

Actually beta, perhaps it works at two levels. One, “Hell, I had pre-marital sex!” Is it such a big crime? Then: “I got pregnant and went for an abortion!” A crime and a even a sin, many would say.

Of course, yes, perhaps you ought to have been much more careful. Whatever happened to contraception, how did it land here? OK? You never expected it, it happened, and now you have learnt a lesson for life – don’t be casual about sex! Sex is serious, adult business!

But society has hyped up sex, intimacy and partnerships with so much pressure, guilt and so many taboos that especially young people just get weighed under the guilt and remorse of, “Yeh meine kya kiya.”

Ready when steady

No one gets an abortion merrily, gladly. It is always a very tough choice and even a more difficult action. Often it involves young women facing some sort of intrusive medical procedure. No doubt, they are petrified.

To add to all these negative feelings, will be even worse at this stage, right? The point is, when should we bring a baby into the world? When we are settled and happy, with a loving and secure partner, in a strong relationship with a solid support system?

Or should we do it just because it happened by mistake or because society expects women to be popping out babies in some stipulated time period? Dasso, what should we be aiming at?! Planning and looking forward to one or just going ahead with some pre-set program?

Choice ka maamla

Did you know, we are one of the first countries in the world to have a law for abortion, as old as 1971. Perhaps many of you were not even born then. It was made with the intention of controlling our population... ho gayee control? Today we stand at an overwhelming 1.27 billion... Wah wah!

Luckily, the law is on our side. Children must be had by choice and at the right time beta, and who will decide that? Who has the final say? The person whose body it is, whose life is impacted most, who is the expert on her life, including anyone else she chooses to involve in her decision. So now ease out the guilt, be aware and better informed and be safe. Take care, both of you, all of you!

To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model. This article was first published on September 22, 2015. 

Have you felt guilty because of an abortion? Share your feelings by leaving a comment below or via Facebook.

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सौरभ दुबे
Mon, 09/28/2015 - 08:49
मेरा नाम सौरभ दुबे है में आगरा का रहेने वाला हूँ अंटी जी मेरा सवाल हस्थ्मेथुन को लेकर है मुझे हस्थ्मेथुन की आदत है और मेरा लिंग भी पतला हो गया है क्या हस्थ्मेथुन करने आगे चल कर कोई दिक्कत हो सकती है क्या आप मुझे हस्थ्मेथुन करने से क्या नुकसान है और क्या फायदे है आप मुझे बताये मेरी उम्र 25 साल है और हस्थ्मेथुन करने के बाद क्या नहीं करना चाहिए।
बेटा हस्तमैथुन एक सेफ /सुरक्षित तरीका है अपनी संतुष्टि करने का. इससे कोई नुकसान या बीमारी नहीं होती. यदि चाहें तो बहुत सी activities हैं, जैसे की खेल – games, gym या कोई hobbies…ok? यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तोह हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, " जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों.
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