Gf is pregnant. Should we get married?
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Gf is pregnant. Should we get married?

By Auntyji Thursday, October 31, 2019 - 10:59
Hi Auntyji, we had sex for first time and my partner says she is pregnant. Do I have to marry her? Adil, 21, Haridwar.

Auntyji says, ‘Oye puttar! That’s a bit of a googly, isn’t it.’

Pregnancy is possible 

Can someone get pregnant during first time sex – let’s begin here. The answer is Yes. If a woman is ovulating and she has sex, she can get pregnant, even if it’s for the first time. 

During ovulation, an egg is released from the female uterus and if it meets a male’s sperm (which is released into the female vagina when a man ejaculates), the result can be pregnancy. 

It’s not uncommon – you will see so many babies born in the  first year of marriage. In fact it is a very anticipated event – because a lot of women conceive very quickly first time, first month – done!

Reasons - right or wrong

Now do you have to marry her? Does she want to marry you? Already? Let’s assume you both were married and then this happened? Adil puttar, even in a marriage situation – is an unplanned pregnancy a ‘good decision’? 

Often times when unplanned pregnancy happens – we may consider going ahead with it for social and other reasons. However, an unplanned pregnancy can be very difficult to manage – and that’s when we may think about abortion or termination of pregnancy

But when we are ready and more stable, we welcome a pregnancy. Pregnancy does not seem to be a burden when the time is right and we are fully prepared to take on the responsibility of another individual. 

Log kya kahenge? 

Adil, you might think log kya kahenge if they know that you guys had sex and now not getting married. Well, this can be an issue depending on the mahoul you might be in, but doesn’t that mean we force ourselves to get into a (almost) life long relationship.

You are already in an unplanned, unprepared situation? But by deciding to marry won’t you be getting into another situation which is equally unplanned, for which we are totally unprepared? Is that a good mahoul to bring a living being into? 

I would say, not quite. At times people feel that now that they have ‘got a girl pregnant’ they must ‘do good’ by marrying them and the girl may herself feel that now I must marry the man and have the child! 

But we forget – we hardly know that person! You are just dating! Marriage was never on the cards, a baby was never even a thought! Isn’t that too big a step – so suddenly? What if you don’t even like the person next month? 

That the ‘first time’ was so bad that you had decided – ‘I am deleting this person off my phone – Blahhh, So boring!’ And then you want to go ahead and have a baby with that person – that’s really not so smart, is it? 

Her opinion matters

Talk to her – she too may not be planning a marriage – let alone a pregnancy! If needed, talk to someone who will guide you with balance and objectivity and not push you from pan to fire with wrong advice.

She may even choose to go ahead and give birth to the baby – it’s her body, so it’s her choice. But you will be legally bound to provide financial support to the child. 

But before you both arrive at any conclusions, get to know each other and your families very well, very thoroughly before you take such a big step. And finally choose a registered and good doctor to help you access both compete and fair information and services. 

Puttar Adil, these are life time decisions and ought never be taken in haste or fear. That will impact too many lives, not always for the better. So think very carefully. 

To protect the identity names have been changed. 

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सात महीने ? बेटे अगर आप गर्भपात के बारे में बात कर रहे हैं तो अब कुछ नहीं किया जा सकता है - सिर्फ इंतज़ार कीजिये delivery का - बहुत ज्यादा समय हो चूका है. बेहतर होगा की अब आप उनकी फॅमिली में बता दें और तय्यारी करिएँ डिलीवरी होने की. यह बात अब छुपाना सही नहीं. आप से आग्रह है की कोई जल्दबाजी में कदम न उठाएं और न ही उनकी जिंदगी को जोखिम में डालें. यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तो हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, " जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों.
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