Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

Will my in-laws mind my dark complexion?

By Auntyji Tuesday, November 3, 2015 - 10:49
I am dating a guy since two years. He is fair, tall and supportive but I am quite dark. If I get married to him, will his family be considerate? Minakshi (22), Mysore.

Auntyji saysO bete Minakshi, do one thing first. Look at yourself in the mirror and come back with only one feature that you find so beautiful in yourself. Jaa aur jaldi aa

Fair and lovely?

So let’s see what we have. He loves you and is with you for a few years. He has never raised the issue of your colour nor have his parents. But you have this thing in your head and I can totally understand.

This projection of a woman being beautiful only if she is fair is wrong and damaging. Ladkiyon ko upset kar ke rakha hai. Beta, it’s very easy for me to say but unless you get this keeda out of your own head, there is not much that anyone can do.

Relationship aspects

Sunn, why do we stay in a relationship? Because we like that person, right? They fulfill something in us. They give us some meaning, hai na? So why do you think this guy is with you? What is it about you that keeps him with you? Please think about this first.

It could be because of the sex, or you are always there to take care of him, support him. You pamper his every need. It could also be that you, yourself are very sweet, funny, lovable and kind person. Ek badi hee pyaari ladki, who is also dark complexioned!

So when he sees you, he sees all the aspects and when you see yourself, you see only the latter.  Why is he still with you? Find the answer first!

Rejecting yourself

You see there are all sorts of differences. Kaali ladki, moti ladki, choti ladki, bhaari ladki, thin girl, too tall girl, big feet girl, small eyes and big nose. The list is endless. We think just because we are some of the above, it’s time to overcompensate in our relationships.

We become over caring, over enduring and always ready-to-please. Taki kahin woh hume reject na kar de. But actually bete, it is you who has rejected yourself. It is you who has internalised, “I am not good enough for this tall, fair complexioned person.” So to keep him happy you do all sorts of rubbish, could even include getting hit, insulted and demeaned! Why bete, why?

Mental feature

Beta, koi aur hume nahin batayegaa ki we are good looking. You have to tell that to yourself first. There is no one in this world who does not have at least one beautiful feature.

You find that one thing and suddenly you will find many more. By the way, your colour may well be one of them! Please Minakshi, for God’s sake, please you and your other sahelis stop this self- depreciation. Khatam karo!

If anyone in this world rejects you for a physical feature, you have to reject them for their mental feature.

They are “mental,” as we say. Aise vyakti ke saath why do you want to live even for a single day? Better out than in beta jaan!

Dark yet beautiful

Tell me one thing, all of you. Suppose you don’t like the shape and size of your partner's family jewels. Where will you get those changed? Any such shopping complex? If there is one then you change your colour there as well. Theek hai bete?

There is a beautiful Baul song I heard a few years ago.  “Kaalo mein kaalo mein, tumi aamar bhalo mei…” That was about a dark girl. She was a sweetheart but everyone knew her as the dark girl.

Is that song about you Minakshi? Or you, Kiran? Girija? Shalini? Miriam? Wajeeda or Satbeer? Is it for you, Jaya? Rekha, Liza or Razia?

It is! You all are such ‘Bhalo Mei’ and you better know it. Go and stun the world with your gorgeous looks. Anyone who doesn’t think so, well unke liye bhi plan hai humare pass. “Only looking, no touching!”

To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model.

Does beauty have something to do with skin colour? Write your views as comments or on Facebook.

Auntyji saysO bete Minakshi, do one thing first. Look at yourself in the mirror and come back with only one feature that you find so beautiful in yourself. Jaa aur jaldi aa

Fair and lovely?

So let’s see what we have. He loves you and is with you for a few years. He has never raised the issue of your colour nor have his parents. But you have this thing in your head and I can totally understand.

This projection of a woman being beautiful only if she is fair is wrong and damaging. Ladkiyon ko upset kar ke rakha hai. Beta, it’s very easy for me to say but unless you get this keeda out of your own head, there is not much that anyone can do.

Relationship aspects

Sunn, why do we stay in a relationship? Because we like that person, right? They fulfill something in us. They give us some meaning, hai na? So why do you think this guy is with you? What is it about you that keeps him with you? Please think about this first.

It could be because of the sex, or you are always there to take care of him, support him. You pamper his every need. It could also be that you, yourself are very sweet, funny, lovable and kind person. Ek badi hee pyaari ladki, who is also dark complexioned!

So when he sees you, he sees all the aspects and when you see yourself, you see only the latter.  Why is he still with you? Find the answer first!

Rejecting yourself

You see there are all sorts of differences. Kaali ladki, moti ladki, choti ladki, bhaari ladki, thin girl, too tall girl, big feet girl, small eyes and big nose. The list is endless. We think just because we are some of the above, it’s time to overcompensate in our relationships.

We become over caring, over enduring and always ready-to-please. Taki kahin woh hume reject na kar de. But actually bete, it is you who has rejected yourself. It is you who has internalised, “I am not good enough for this tall, fair complexioned person.” So to keep him happy you do all sorts of rubbish, could even include getting hit, insulted and demeaned! Why bete, why?

Mental feature

Beta, koi aur hume nahin batayegaa ki we are good looking. You have to tell that to yourself first. There is no one in this world who does not have at least one beautiful feature.

You find that one thing and suddenly you will find many more. By the way, your colour may well be one of them! Please Minakshi, for God’s sake, please you and your other sahelis stop this self- depreciation. Khatam karo!

If anyone in this world rejects you for a physical feature, you have to reject them for their mental feature.

They are “mental,” as we say. Aise vyakti ke saath why do you want to live even for a single day? Better out than in beta jaan!

Dark yet beautiful

Tell me one thing, all of you. Suppose you don’t like the shape and size of your partner's family jewels. Where will you get those changed? Any such shopping complex? If there is one then you change your colour there as well. Theek hai bete?

There is a beautiful Baul song I heard a few years ago.  “Kaalo mein kaalo mein, tumi aamar bhalo mei…” That was about a dark girl. She was a sweetheart but everyone knew her as the dark girl.

Is that song about you Minakshi? Or you, Kiran? Girija? Shalini? Miriam? Wajeeda or Satbeer? Is it for you, Jaya? Rekha, Liza or Razia?

It is! You all are such ‘Bhalo Mei’ and you better know it. Go and stun the world with your gorgeous looks. Anyone who doesn’t think so, well unke liye bhi plan hai humare pass. “Only looking, no touching!”

To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model.

Does beauty have something to do with skin colour? Write your views as comments or on Facebook.

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Comments
HI ALL, I am a novice to this site. okay so coming to my query. It started with a small formal chat on a social networking site with my current gf (whom i am planning to get married soon). that formal chat turned into a bit close and gradually we developed a relation and expressed our feelings to one another. kuch dino tak chalta raha sab accha , but one day in between after a casual talk i asked her if she had any bf in past . she relied yes. further i have asked if it was physical or just chat.she told 4~5 times she do had physical with that guy. uska relationship 3 years tak chala us ladke k sath.maine pucha q apne khatam kiya she said uski family conservative thi n all. and they parted their ways. we both met each other had serious relationship too par kabhi kabhi lagta hai wo kisi aur k sath PHYSICAL thi to i can not accept that fact that she actually did. she is from Gwalior, m.p. i am from Nagpur, maharashtra. kya mai age continue karu qki baar baar uska past dimag khata hai ki isne kisi dusre k sath $Xx kiya..... meri isse pehle koi gf na thi lekin mai isse pyar bhi kafi karta hu. upar se iske mummy kafi pooja/daan dharam/duniyadari dekhne wali hai jabki meri family iski ulti hai i mean aaj k jamane ki. upar se iski behan se baat kiya JO BADI HAIN, to mera sirf ye kehna "ARE YAAR CHODO NA" ye kehna bura lag gaya..bolti bado se aise hi baat karte hain kya. yaar maine koi gaali na di fir bhi meko bolti teko tameez na hai. upar se iski mummy jo ye bolti hain ki ladka nagpur ka hai, DOOR ka hai, buddhist hain (wo vaishy samaj k hain). upar se iska past Sexual relation. KYA KARU MAI? Ajeeb kashmaksh me fasa hua hu.
Hmm! Lekin bete yadi unhone yeh baat aapko swayam batai hai ki wah pehle rishte mein sex kar chukin hain toh iska matlab hai ki woh apni taraf se bilkul honest hain. Saath hi aap ek jagah yeh bhi keh rahe hain ki meri family bohot naye zamane ki hai toh naye zamane ki hisaab se dekhiye na phir is baat ko yeh unki life hai unki body unhone jo kiya woh poori immadari ke saath aapko batya bhi. Ab yeh nirnye aapko lena hi ki aap yeh baat kitni khuli soch ke satah accept karte hain. Aur haan Theek hai aap inter caste shaadi chahtey hain. Ok! Lekin kyaa aap aur aapki gf, apne ghar waalon se Jonnjh sakenege? Kay aap dono saamna kar payenge … kal aapki mataji ke koi aisa kadam utha leey aya unke yahan kisi ne kuch kar leeya so kya ap log in sab haadson ko deal kar sakenege? Beta, yeh namumkin nahin lekin bahut hee mushkil hai. Iske parinaam saalon chal saktey hain… ghar se door, na khushi mein nag hum mein, na koi aana na ksis ka jaana- soch lo beta!!https://lovematters.in/en/news/inter-caste-marriages-top-five-facts
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