The date is set but I don’t want to marry!
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The date is set but I don’t want to marry!

By Auntyji Wednesday, January 29, 2020 - 14:47
Hi Aunty ji, I am not very confident about the boy I am going to marry next month. We are not at all compatible. But is it too late because the invitation cards have been sent. What will the society say? My parents too will have to bear financial loss. Shivangi, 28, Dehradun.

Auntyji says, ‘The wedding is next month beta? We have to move in a hurry – not towards the mandap dear – but maybe step a little away from it.’ 

Trust your vibe

What a situation betaji but not the first time puttarSabton pehlan, are you very sure this is not a case of the pre wedding jitters? Do you have some very thoss – thorough reasons – to say what you are because puttar,  you will be under a LOT of attack and questions – so you better have your reasons right and sure to keep yourself secure.  

After all these years if I have learnt one thing its trust your inherent feel. If you are getting a vibe – or not getting the vibe – then you are perhaps feeling the real thing. Trust it.

Tried and tested? 

He is not coming across as a person you can spend – supposedly – your entire life with? You have tested, tried and coolly tried evaluating at him from all angles – and yet you feel this way? Your ideology and thoughts don’t match? You are not attracted to him? His and your fundas are very different...ityadi? Sab soch leeya beti Shivangi? 

Hope no jaldbaazi from your end and equally – it’s not as if you are freaking out at the prospect of being married and its responsibilities – Yes? It is the guy who is the kamzor kadi  – Yes? In every which way? Yes? 

If you are saying a loud, resounding YES! YES! YES to each of my questions and hopefully many more of your own – then it’s time beta, call a family meeting. 

Gear up

Call your closest and definitely take a few allies. Discuss with them your feelings and thoughts and you reasons why and get your own arguments ready thoroughly. No one is going to buy your, baat nahin bann rahee line. 

It will have to be a much stronger case than that – so get examples of why you are not so into him. Apologise for the losses they will incur, say you will work and try to repay them. Apologise for all the inconveniences they will have to jhelo, say you are happy to be the front face for all this. Ask for their support.

The honorable thing to do will also be you call the finance, meet him and talk to him –in the same way as you would have to your family. Explain that you are not rejecting or shunning him, it’s just not working for you. Offer to take on a portion of the ‘responsibilities’ this might generate and keep it short, simple, sweet and sophisticated – no room for yelling and screaming. 

 Remember beta, you are not apologising for any mistake or such thing –  it’s just a kind way of saying – I cannot do it. It’s like we say in a RSVP – Regrets only.

In it together

Beta ideally speaking no parent wants their child to be unhappy in anyway and in the final push – if need be – they will take on anything – samaaj kya cheez hai! But that’s not easy. You have to stand strong like a pillar in your convictions and in support of them – because here while you need their support – they equally need yours.

They will really need to understand your apprehensions and fears. Once they do get it, they would not want you to take the path that makes you apprehensive. But what will they need is clarity. 

Be firm and clear in your thinking and help them to face the world. If they hear you, right and clear – hopefully they will rise to the occasion. Not of getting a daughter married ‘off’ but of giving her a chance to life.  

 

*To protect the identity, names have been changed. 

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