How can I convince her to have sex?

Auntyji says... Lo batao! Beta Raunaq, I don’t know what to say – my one eye is laughing and the other is a bit sad for you too.

Let me not waste any time and come to the point. Beta ji, we can never ‘convince’ anyone to have sex... that they have to decide on their own, whenever they are ready, simple!

You see this rather a classic situation and there are some pet lines or phrases one comes up with. Let’s go through some of them and see how boys try and convince girls and what that actually amounts to.

Blackmail?

Now let’s say you start the chat on sex with your gf. So what is the first line boys try? “Baby, if you love me, let’s have sex,” or “If you love me, you will never say no to me.”

Yeh koi baat hui? Does she have to give you a certificate of her love for you? And is this the only certificate beta? No na, so then you better cut it out, my dear.

Then comes the other classic: “What is your problem, everyone is doing it, why can’t you?” Lo Ji, everyone is cutting their hair in Gajni style, will you do it too? Nahin na? Then why the expectation that just because others are OK with it, everyone must be as OK with it too?

Beta log, these are plain and simple ways to bully your girlfriend, perhaps you could say even blackmail, in a nice way, but yes that is the word.

The rules of love
So you see what I am saying, there is no way to ‘convince’ anyone to have sex, unless you are using some abusive, underhand or unkind means... I am sure you don’t want to do that, or do you?

Everyone has their own time and pace to be ready for sex – it is very possible your gf is not as ready as you are and well, you have to respect that - you don’t like it? Well, too bad sir, these are the unwritten rules of lovemaking!

Yes, I agree that if she has sexual rights, so do you. You want it, she does not – now what to do?

The better way out is BOTH of you get ready and be ready, for all the fun and good times – hopefully – but also all the responsibility, the ups and downs that having sex also brings with it.

Small steps go a long way

And here is the real thing. You know, you guys give the lady some respect, some time. Don’t pressurise her, let her be, be her friend and her buddy. Sure, tell her you love and desire her, but don't let that be the only conversation you have with her. That will perhaps go a really long way whenever that sexual relationship does happen.

Most often than not you guys think of sex as going all the way – penetrative sex or nothing! Come on, use the time to try simple, small expressions of intimacy and stop as soon as you reach that boundary which your gf had set. Kissing, touching, holding hands... whatever the lady is comfortable with, try that route beta.

Have you heard this somewhere before?

Surely you all have understood what I am saying, pyaar mein sauda nahin! No barter in love – so no scope for cajoling, requesting, convincing – all blackmail beta!

Do you know what kinds of lines men use to try and 'convince' girls to have sex.. some you have heard already and some are here, let’s hope you have not used or planned to use any of them.

• ”Have sex with me, otherwise I will tell everyone you actually did.”
• “Have sex with me, otherwise we are through!”
• “Have sex with me, otherwise I will have to look around for it elsewhere.”
• “I need sex, you know am not feeling so well without it.”
• “If I don’t have sex, it makes me very angry, then don’t blame me.”
• “Sex will bring us much closer darling...”

... and these sort of arguments will take you farther from us and from being a caring, lovable boyfriend. A guy who she will look back and remember with a sweet, happy smile, when you are there and when you are not!

This article was first published  on 14 January 2014 as part of our campaign My health, my choices in a themed week on first-time sex.

Send Auntyji an e-mail if you’d like advice about love, sex, relationships or anything in between.