Auntyji says, ‘You would not be the first one, beta Sukanya, so I am glad you wrote here. Let’s talk more’.
Is it really love?
Sukanya – look back. Who do we really hang out with – who are the ‘boys’ we grow up with? We hung out with our cousins – both boys and girls and they know us best. We had fun with them – we play and do masti with them, which establishes a real close bond. All fine! Thus far.
But somewhere down the line, you grow up and so do they! From a sister – you become – a girl! You are cute looking, sexy and smart and most crucially, you are most approachable and you are aas paas.
The same applies for you. Your cousin has been around you, he gets you, you have been sharing so much with him and now... he has suddenly transformed into the sexiest man you know. When did that happen? Your old fun and comfort gets further concretised and you believe you are ‘in love’. Getting complicated?
The other party
There is one more player in this – your cousin. Just because he is a man – does not mean he will be ready to jump into bed with you. He may have an extreme reaction too. All this while you were his behen – and now what’s this sudden change of course.
You may have all these feelings for him – he may still be only filial in his affections. What then? You make a move and he freaks out, ‘Didi – what are you saying’! He begins to avoid you and you are all flustered and now afraid.
What if he tells someone in the family? And yes – what if he does? How will you ever manage that Sukanya, beta?
Not a pretty picture
What do you think can be the repercussions of this? You lose a good friend to begin with. While no doubt some communities do make room for relationships between cousins, most don’t.
In our work experience – this sort of a love story – while common as it may be – has never really had a happy ending of any sort. It gets so messy and so complicated. Families get involved and yeah, before you know it, it’s all out of control – with name calling and blame gaming between your parents. And you at the receiving end.
Time out for yourself
So what can you do now onwards? Trying to keep a distance from him, now onwards. Give yourself some thought time – even talk to a close pal if you want. Take a trip? A hobby class, the gym? Swimming?
Break your regular routine in which your cousin and interaction with him plays a central role. Go out with your own gang of girls or pals. Don't beat yourself up on this though –its common, it happens. Wanting sex is no crime – no bad thing – its perfectly OK. Its sexy and your right too. Just choose your partner wisely Sukanya.
To protect the identity, names have been changed.