Alisha, 20, is a commerce student at Benaras Hindu University and lives in Varanasi.
Canteen wala romance
I first met Rajat in the college canteen. I was standing at the counter to pay for samosas when a boy standing behind me pressed my dupatta with his feet and my dupatta fell down. I turned and stared at him in anger. He slowly lifted my dupatta, gave it to me, said ‘sorry’ and went away.
Seeing his gesture, I realised it might have been a mistake. After that day, whenever I went to the canteen, we both would steal a glance at each other, but never talked. One day we sat together and had lunch with our common friend Sheetal and then gradually we became friends.
Beware of these boys
With time, our meetings in college became frequent and one day Rajat asked for my number. We talked for hours over the phone after reaching home from college. His sense of humour was amazing and I loved talking to him. Soon our friendship blossomed into love.
One day, my friend Sheetal, who was aware of our friendship, told me, ‘Beware of these guys, all they want is to kiss and they do all this drama of love to come closer to you.’ Sheetal’s words left an impact on my mind and I started to believe that a kiss is not really a good thing. However, my heart was not ready to accept that Rajat was that kind of a guy.
One of them?
One evening, while driving me home, Rajat tried to kiss me. Suddenly I recalled what Sheetal had said. I retreated in haste and he stopped immediately.
The incident made me wonder if Rajat was one of those guys whose only aim was to kiss women? Did he also view kiss as some kind of an achievement? I had a million questions in my mind and I kept wondering if I had befriended the wrong guy.
I loved Rajat and he felt the same for me. We went on many dates after that day but Rajat never tried to come close to me. Probably he didn’t want any misunderstandings between us which would result in me leaving his life forever just because of an unwanted kiss.
Though we were a couple but we had a strange distance between us. We would sit for hours, eat and drink together, discuss a variety of topics from movies to politics but never came close to each other’s body. Many dates and evenings came and went into the same turmoil of not kissing each other.
Desperate to touch
More than two months passed but Rajat loved me the same way. He also started taking care of me more than ever. However, he never tried to kiss me.
One night I questioned myself and started wondering - what generation did I belong to, to have this kind of thinking. I had tested Rajat’s patience and love enough but did not want to do it anymore. Maybe I was wrong and he is not the kind of a guy I had initially thought him to be.
My heart started desiring his closeness. I became desperate to touch and feel him closely. I felt like running to him the same night and telling him everything that was going on in my head. However, I waited to meet him the next day.
Next morning, the first thing I did was to call Rajat and ask him to meet me. As soon as I met him, before he could say or understand anything, I brought my lips very close to his.
My heart started palpitating and Rajat probably understood what I wanted. He went ahead and kissed my lips. I don't remember how long our kiss lasted. It seemed as if we needed nothing but the kiss.
This was the first kiss of my life -- sweet and lovely. I can never forget the sweetness of that first kiss. But yes, now I laugh at those moments, remembering why I took so long for my first kiss.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.