Love Matters Auntyji
Love Matters

Should I use Tinder?

By Auntyji Tuesday, January 27, 2015 - 05:50
I want to use this dating app called Tinder, but everyone has different points of view on it. Is there something wrong with online dating? What is your opinion? Uday (22), Alwar.

Auntyji says… Arre beta Uday yeh toh bada maamla hai. It’s a big issue ji and you’re right people have differing views on it. Chalo let’s see what all this has waiting in the wings.

So ji the issue with Tinder first, I hear it’s a phone app which “scopes” out the right kind of person for you and, as young people like to say, “hooks you up” with the persons it thinks may be suitable for you – all based on your Facebook profile.

O hoye, dasso technology has taken over our lives in so many ways hain! To get yourself a lover today, or even a relationship, all you need to do is have a smart phone and a smart computer, never mind how un-smart you yourself are!

Trust online

Now here is the problem if you want to call it that. Ab bhai, one can’t trust anyone easily these days, leave alone through a computer or via the net. And that is what the issue is. What we read on the net or on these dating sites may well be totally made up or someone doing it for a lark, just for laughs, you know.

So here you get all emotional and chatty with someone, and they may well be someone totally different. You spend hours nurturing a relationship and working at it but the person on the other end may well be just a piece of fiction. Now that’s not what we set out for, is it?

The good thing and for many the very good thing is that these are avenues, beta, to meet and greet and make an effort to building relationships. Where on one hand the world is opened up, become so big and vast, on the other, boundaries have really shrunk and become small. There are fewer and fewer opportunities of making friends and working at them.

Those days of meeting someone, really spending time, meeting and introducing common friends and then making decisions are really waning, are they not, beta? That has its own charm and ultimately toh you will surely look forward to meeting and physically “checking out” the person you are chatting or Whatsapping with, hai ki nahin… toh phir?

Taking sex offline

Then comes the other angle and that is good ole sex. Often these sites are places you can meet, so you meet the person and very soon the conversation comes to sex and the when and where of it. Chalo yeh bhi theek hai, but beta you know my feelings on this – while I say a big yay to sex, I say and equally loudly nay to unsafe sex. Now ji, you meet someone only for sex, only on a phone or a computer, only for a few hours and you are fixing a date…

What if it goes the other way? Ki baat yahan se wahan ho jaye. You went to meet someone and here she or he is just totally weird, into activities and sexual behaviours you did not expect – refuses to use a condom, over powers you or blackmails you… What then?

Do’s and don’ts

Beta ji, I agree that dating sites and venues are a cool way to hook up, and if handled sensibly can go really well… Now the issue is what is sensible? While you may be the sensible one, we have no clue with what spirit the other person is coming into this relationship, do we? So here are just a small list of do’s and don’ts when getting into these spaces, let’s see if they work for you.

  • First, don’t give your personal details out at once, name is ok but address, phone number, office address, no need at all.
  • Don’t fall in love with the fist person who shows some interest in you. Please, these are dating sites, meeting sites, not a shaadi ka mandap waiting for a prospective bride and groom.
  • Play the field – for once it’s legit! Meet many people, use multiple sites, broaden your base and see who you meet and who you like best and say a polite no to those you have engaged with but now are ending the chapter with.
  • Be ready for letdowns and disappointments and don’t become the next stalker, not ready or able to face rejection.

Uday beta don’t be shy of making efforts to reach out to friends in the real world. Ask people out, put your best foot forward, go out in groups and get to meet people that may help you rid of your shyness and maybe you really hit it off with someone you can really see, touch and feel. And if you do venture into this world, do it with your ears and eyes open and your blinkers off! Go get a cool – real – profile ready!

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

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