Sukriti, 20, is a final year student at a Delhi college.
Boys, what boys?
I joined a girls college after being in a co-ed school all through my teen years. To be honest, I was a little worried about how I will manage in an all-girls environment. But gradually I made friends and became a part of a few groups.
Life seemed all fun initially – gossip, masti, songs, boys, fashion talks and so much more. But I did miss seeing boys everyday!
The back benchers
During one of our lunch breaks, I noticed that Mitali and Anushka – two of my friends, went to the last bench to watch something on their phones. I did not bother much initially. As the days passed, many other girls began to join them too. It was all hush-hush where they would giggle, make funny faces and even laugh.
I thought they were just reading jokes or something, so never paid much attention. However, after a week of feeling left out, I asked Mitali, ‘Hey, what are you guys always watching during the lunch break? Mujhe bhi batao.’
One of the girls giggled and replied by putting her finger on the lips, ‘Porn... yaar. Do you want some clips?’ I immediately said no and felt as if I was caught doing something wrong. I did not know how to react. The break was soon over and we returned to our seats. I could hardly focus on my Economics class.
Porn and girls?
The next day, during the break, all the girls were fussing about poor internet signals. So they began chatting about how the noises in porn videos seemed fake and the boys seemed to have unrealistic stamina. Other girls too joined in while I just stood there, stone-faced.
They were enthusiastic about the discussion and didn't feel shy at all. This was a new experience for me, I had never thought about sharing such information with anybody. Muje sab kuch bahut he ajeeb lag raha tha. I was angry, confused, I felt wrong and wanted to stop them.
I panicked – am I stuck with the wrong people? Are these girls ‘bad?’ I even went to the extent of thinking if I should change my college. For me, porn was something awful that only 'bad’ guys watched. Porn and ladkiyan? This was new to me!
Is that all?
The next day Mitali came up to me during a period. She asked me if I was annoyed with her as I did not talk to her much these days. I just poured out my heart to her. As our conversation flowed, I confessed my dislike for porn and also scolded her for watching it in college.
The way I scolded her, I thought she would just leave and end our friendship. Instead she said, ‘Is that all?’ It’s normal and perfectly ok to feel like this, she said. ‘In the beginning, I did too. But over a period of time, I began enjoying it.’ She told me that she also masturbated for the first time after watching porn and it made her feel really liberated!
[How do girls masturbate - Read our article here.]
Don’t be angry!
After the exams were over, Mitali gifted me a small box on my birthday. ‘Open it when you are alone,’ she said and winked at me. I thought it must be something naughty so waited for everyone at home to sleep. The box had a pen drive and a small note, ‘Don’t be angry, have fun!’
I instantly knew what was in it! My hands trembled a bit...but with excitement. I plugged in my earphones into my laptop and just let things unfold. It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined!
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.
Love Matters India is an online platform that provides reliable, science-based and fact-based information on love, sex and relationships. Please explore more stories here. For facts related to sex, check this section.
About the author: Vinayana Khurana is pursuing M.Phil in English literature from Delhi University. She is a woman with Cerebral palsy but that is not her identity. She's a writer, a poet and a Comic Artist. You can reah her out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn