Porn and relationships
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Porn and relationships: The X-rated debate

By Josephine Dias Friday, August 18, 2017 - 11:16
A new study by the University of New Brunswick, which looks at the impact of porn on both men and women, has found that watching porn can be detrimental to people’s sex lives. Is porn really all that bad? We spoke to five young Indians to see what’s their experience been like.

‘It turns me on more than sex does!’

I have an active sex life, thanks to dating apps. But I’ve come to realise that most Indian men don’t know what they are doing in bed. As a result, I’m often left having to give myself an orgasm. Keeping a vibrator around is fine but I’ve found that watching people get off on-screen is a good setting to put it to use. How has it helped my sex life? A lot! I sometimes invite my partner to watch me pleasure myself while watching porn. It’s amazing how quickly that turns them on.  

Alisha Shah, 27, interior designer, Mumbai

‘It helps with the role play’

I know porn gets a bad rep from most people but that’s because they’re not watching the good stuff. Or at least that what I and my boyfriend think. We both are big into role play, coming up with stories and characters for each other. He is an actor so he considers this as a practice! We watch porn together to look for ideas to help us with our role play. Of course, we are very particular about the kind of porn we watch-- it has to have a story even if it’s a silly one. We like the ones that show a lot of foreplay. Once we are done watching, we set out to prove we can do it better ourselves! Watching porn together has worked wonders for us. It is an intimate, honest and very personal thing. Why wouldn’t you want to share that part of yourself with your partner?

Rene Soares, 29, HR accountant, Mumbai

‘It sets up unrealistic standards for us’

We men anyway have it bad when it comes to sex. There’s so much pressure about not crossing any lines, keeping to safe words, trying and giving her whatever she wants, keeping our erection till she comes, etc. To add to this, there are porn videos of extremely well-endowed men pleasuring a woman for hours! It’s no wonder that women who watch porn, and there are many that do, expect much more than we can offer. And then they complain about not having an orgasm. I generally ask women straight out if they watch porn and if they do, I tell them I can’t match up to those standards. I think I’m good in bed, I’m just not porn-level good.   

Micky Goswami, 24, gym trainer, Mumbai

‘I wouldn’t trust a man I’m dating if he watches porn’

I believe that if you are in a committed sexual relationship with me, and watch porn, then something is wrong. If you are watching porn in secret then it’s obviously because you aren’t sexually satisfied and are using porn to compensate. Besides, those videos are really demeaning to women and glorify assault and I am not okay with that. Who knows what ideas men can get from watching them? It’s one of my dating criteria too -- no porn.   

Zenia Coutinho, 25, fashion blogger, Kolkata

‘It is a cause of concern if done in excess’

My girlfriend watches porn and she is very open about it, too. I admire that honesty even though I don’t watch porn myself. I’m a reasonably attractive guy and we have good sex so I have nothing to worry about if she watches porn. She says it helps her masturbate better. She is smart enough to know that what’s shown there is all just for the camera and can’t translate into real life. I think my only concern would be if she started watching it too often. It could be a sign she isn’t happy with our sex or that she is getting addicted. Either ways, it’s bad news.   

Felix Fernando, 22, student, Pune

*Names changed  

Have you watched porn with your partner? Share them in comments or on Facebook. If you have a question, please visit our discussion forum

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