*Devika, 25, is a Delhi University postgraduate and loves to write poetry.
One among many
I remember that day vividly. I was wearing my favourite purple dress and was strolling in the park in my locality on my wheelchair. I was listening to my favourite songs on my earphones when some guys walked past me and turned around with sympathetic faces, glancing at my wheelchair. I thought I should make the first move and try to strike up a conversation with them.
I asked the guys what they did and they started talking to me. Meanwhile I saw that one of the guys, who was wearing a white shirt, was watching me with a concerned look. He introduced himself as Aditya and told me that he was a musician.
He seemed really interested in me so to take the conversation forward, I told him that I also wrote poems. That is how we started interacting with each other. Aditya wanted to add music to my poems. I was happy and excited.
Walks to remember
We started walking together in the evenings. During one of our walks, we also exchanged numbers. Every day, Aditya would message me and we would meet up. I was beginning to develop a soft corner for Aditya. We used to talk about poems and music. I loved his company and wanted to hang out with him more often.
We started spending a lot of time together. We were either walking or continuously texting each other. I was really happy that I had found such an awesome friend.
Soon, I developed feelings for him. Aditya became a great support in my life as I used to tell him about my ups and downs. He used to guide me through it all. He always said that whenever I would need him he would always be there.
Heart in a poem
With every meeting, I was getting to know him better – like how much he loved to drive his car and how he loved his family very much. I loved how he would look at me with that special smile whenever I talked to him. There were lots of cute little things I was getting to know about him and my feelings grew stronger as the days went by. I knew that I was falling for Aditya and yes, I wanted to tell him.
I decided that I would write a poem and tell Aditya how I felt about him. I spent days and nights writing out the most beautiful poem. I really hoped that my words could convey what I really felt for him in my heart.
I wrapped the poem in an envelope and went on my wheelchair to meet Aditya as usual in the park. I was very happy to see him outside. I thought that this is the golden opportunity for me to tell him about my feelings.
A random girl
As I approached closer, I heard him talking to a friend. I heard his friend asking him about me. His answer left me surprised, shocked and heartbroken. He told him I was just a random girl and he talks to me because of sympathy.
I was heartbroken... but I had the dignity to drive my wheelchair past Aditya and never look back.
This is a small excerpt of the poem that I wrote for him:
‘We connected on a different level,
He understood my poetry,
I understood his love for music,
We talked like two strangers becoming friends,
Sometimes, somethings are better incomplete,
Sometimes, if something lasts forever,
It would ruin its own perfection.’
Names have been changed and person in the picture is a model.
Love Matters, in collaboration with Rising Flame presents a series of essays on love, intimacy, relationships and disability. Dil Vil Pyaar Vyaar is an effort to amplify voices of disabled women; narratives on love that seldom are seen in mainstream discussions on romance. Starting February 14th, we will be releasing several pieces authored by women with disabilities giving us a sneak peek into their lives.
About the author: Vinayana Khurana is pursuing M.Phil in English literature from Delhi University. She is a woman with Cerebral palsy but that is not her identity. She's a writer, a poet and a Comic Artist. You can reah her out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn