I have never felt an erection or need for sex!
Shutterstock/Khosro/The person in the picture is a model, names changed. 

I have never felt an erection or need for sex!

I didn’t believe that a human being could live without sex. But a friend of mine convinced me that people can indeed be asexual. Let's hear what he has to say!

“I have never felt an erection or had any sexual desire ever in my life. I’ve tried, trust me, but no luck,” he said.


This friend told me that he had been ‘practising’ asexuality for many years. “It all started when I was a teenager. I knew I was different. The boys in school would find it easy to talk about the girls – their breasts, their legs and everything about them, but I just didn’t understand what the big deal was,” he said.

Since my friend never showed interest in these conversations, it comes as no surprise that he was soon labelled as a ‘homo.’ “They would bully me and call me gay. Say that I didn’t like girls because I liked boys. But that wasn’t true either. I spent many sleepless nights trying hard to sexual fantasies about girls and then boys, but none of it worked,” he explained.


It took a few years before my friend could settle with the idea that he was just not a sexual person. “It was a very difficult realisation. I knew I was asexual, but I didn’t know how I could be comfortable with that. Everyone around me was sexual and people often judged people by their sexualities,” he said.

My friend still finds it difficult to open up to people about this side of his identity. “Nobody knows about it. A few friends do, but not my family. My parents always dream of me getting married one day to a beautiful girl and that I would have a family of my own. But how can I explain to them that this isn’t my cup of tea?” he asked helplessly.

Finding peace

Over the years, my friend has found ways to deal with his lack of sexual interest. “There are many online forums which have helped me connect to people who are like me. We discuss various things – about how to be comfortable with being asexual, about how to deal with life,” he said.

He’s even found great friends on these forums whom he’s met for coffee and exchanged ideas. “The most annoying thing I find about being asexual is that people treat you as being inhuman if you lack the desire to procreate. Don’t we need to go beyond the idea that humans are meant to just make more humans? There are seven billion of us, for god’s sake, the world needs more like me!” he suggested.

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters. To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

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Gayatri Parameswaran is a multi-award winning writer, director and producer of immersive media works. She was born and raised in India and is currently based in Berlin, where she co-founded NowHere Media - a storytelling studio that views contemporary issues through a critical lens. She also edited the Love Matters website in its initial years. Check out more about her here.

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