Avni (not her real name) is a 21 year old PR executive in Bangalore, South India.
Guilty
“Besides, I’d been ‘going out’ with boys since I was fifteen – I even had sex with one of them when I turned seventeen,” she says. “But my most intense emotional relationships had always been with women, I fantasized about women, I was physically attracted to women and I felt horribly guilty and uncomfortable about it.
“I was 18 years old the first time I had sex with a girl. I met Radhika in college and we became close friends. Though I’d fancied her since the time I met her I also knew I could never tell her about it. I didn’t know how she would react to it. Besides, she was straight and she was in a long-distance relationship with some guy she’d known since childhood.
Excitement
“But we used to spend a lot of time together. One afternoon we were at her house watching a movie in her room. We were both lying on the bed, next to each other. I remember trying really hard to concentrate on the movie while the butterflies in my stomach were driving me crazy with excitement.
“There was a weird charge in the room and though being around her always aroused me it had always seemed pretty one sided to me, but that day the sexual vibe was mutual and very real.
Not knowing
“I really desperately wanted to kiss her but I was scared she would think I’m a freak and stop hanging out with me. Then out of nowhere she started leaning in for a hug and as I moved towards her, she changed her mind about the hug or something because we ended up kissing each other.
“Everything was so awkward and strange, we clumsily stumbled out of our clothes. She clearly had no idea about what we were supposed to ‘do’ and honestly neither did I. Not knowing what to do I took my cue from all the erotic girl on girl stories I had read online, and as crazy as it sounds all that late night reading actually paid off.
Good time?
“I went home happy that evening but when I called her to make sure she was okay and ask her if she had a good time, she told me not to bring it up again and it didn’t really matter since it wasn’t as if girls can ‘have sex’ with girls, even though we had gone down on each other twice that afternoon.”
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